You’ll be reading this as I walk to the Gym. Yesterday I ignored fitness and concentrated instead on literary momentum. It was hugely productive as a result. I also ate far too much sugar and didn’t once stress that there should be an exchange of effort for input. Calorie deficit is imprinted now. I get how this works.
In fact, its one of the few things I can guarantee as a constant.
It took me all day yesterday to answer this question. I’m on board now, understand exactly what is expected of me. The stuff before 40 I’m often mortified about, especially the obsessive introversion of my 20’s. This is a far better place to exist, and because there’s a realistic chance of altering myself for the better going forward, I’m in a pretty optimistic place right now.
There’s also a fuck of a lot going on but all of it is under my control. As long as it stays that way, it’s not going to be an issue. The plan to shift everything to earlies this morning is because next week is the start of a fairly intense three-week period of work I could do well to be better prepared for, and far more work gets done when I start exercising before lunchtime.
So, let’s do what works and see how that changes things.
This weekend I am not working. At all. No blogging, no writing. Two days of attacking the clothing that no longer fits around either arse or arms. Garden work. Throwing away piles of detritus. Finally, attacking my reading pile. Finding some movies to watch… and most importantly, not allowing myself to feel bad.
Relaxation is hard work sometimes, especially as someone who needs to keep themselves busy in order to survive. However, bike training has really helped focus the mind. Writing stuff like this ahead of time has real benefits too. It’s being able to see past the panic of anxiety and knowing that whatever happens, it won’t all fall apart. It’s covered now. You understand why your body does what it does, and you can deal with it.
It’s really refreshing not having to be frightened all the time.