Have decided to do what I said I wasn’t going to do and publish myself on video to YouTube. It’s another tiny step outside the comfort zone [TM] and as I already know the worst that could happen, there’s very little left to lose. I’ve not had a new Patreon sign-up for months, so stuff needs to change. If I get one new person as a sub, it was worth it. That’s the tiny benchmark that needs to be attained. One new Patreon Sub.

It worries me that those surrounding me have little interest in what I do. It makes me wonder why they follow in the first place. When you ask, the answers are always wrapped around how interesting I am or thought-provoking, yet that is not enough to make them take part. There is the very real understanding, of course, that I have chased true fans away in the past, because that level of devotion I found worrying, and in some cases actually frightening. Finding a balance is a tough ask.

This is as much about me as it is them.

Comfort zones are hard things to break free of. If life’s good enough, especially in the current climate, why on earth would you want to in the first place? There’s enough fear and loathing in place without intentionally manufacturing any more… but to grow, this is the task. It’s why today 10km outside needs to happen for no other reason than sometimes, the only way things improve is when they hurt. I know this will be painful and difficult and that would once have been enough to prevent any forward motion. Now, it just has to be done.

Also, there could really be better trainers at some point, so yeah, being rich and famous won’t happen without showing my face in this world that is utterly obsessed with looks over stats. Sometimes I wish I was better at things that get you better noticed too. Being as susceptible to jealousy and social avarice as the next human being… all of this is part of the exam syllabus. How you cope, and how you react. Getting five people to follow the YouTube Channel yesterday was the most excitement I’ve had virtually for days.

Fear must be overcome for us to proceed.

One response to “Fear”

  1. It’s not the business model people currently ascribe to but there must be a way to keep some professional distance. If there is a way, it is under-explored. People preferring the tried and true however harmful it is would explain its absence. People found a way that works to some degree and stopped looking further, stopped trying to establish foundations for a different approach. I’m not fond of prentent on-level-engagement which is what I see in looking on many commercial online communities. I’d say looking from the outside I think it is okay and necessary to keep some distance, and a way of honesty that gets a bit lost. Plus, pretending to be the friend of thousands must have some psychic toll as well.

    The current success of that buddy-business-model is indisputable, though.

    I also wonder if we need more fundamental rights to protection against the psychic effects of advertising, of which there are plenty and which probably would be subject to ridicule if they were more immediately resemblant of their physical counterparts. But I’m not aware that there were any such rights at the horizon, so economically the best thing would be to not bet on them that much in advance. Taking businesses into account for mistakes made decades in the past and before laws were passed also is not usual practice right now.

    Feedback to you is on my To-Do-list for this weekend.


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