For the longest time, all I’ve ever really wanted to do is throw everything away and start again.
The practicalities of this have always eluded me, but now it’s become an actual reality, and as existence begins to warp its way around me and the new world forms, this is a better place for so many reasons. Of course, it’s still filled with terrible, hateful people who only care about themselves, but that has ALWAYS been the case and will continue to be so for the rest of my time alive. The difference now is they can no longer alter my trajectory.
I finally gained enough momentum to escape the gravity of my own darkness.
Slowly, things are improving. Every share, every interaction, each new conversation. They all add to the pile. I get to be better. The muscles get stronger, the fat diminishes. I’m more awake, even when mentally there’s nothing left in the tank. If you asked me a year ago if I could fast until midday every day, I’d have laughed at you and then thrown an empty teacup at the wall. Now, I drink a lot of water, and other people buy me emergency chocolate.
This is a good place to be right now, even with the terror of real life as accompaniment.