Design for Life

It’s odd, isn’t it. You spend about a year being convinced you’re gonna die from COVID, that at some point, however hard you try, there’s going to be a moment where it just happens, and then half your family get infected, but you don’t, and then you willingly allow someone to inject a synthetic version into your body so that you can live a normal life, except you know full well there will never be any normal like it was ever again.

Mentally, this is a significant mindfuck. I don’t care how you dress it up. To sit here as I do now, as if the world just stopped feeling as if it is properly glued together, is reasonably fair by current standards. Watching the stream of people going in and out of the surgery this morning, exactly regimented and reassuringly average, you’d be hard-pressed to know anything had even happened in the last year. The only discerning common factor was masks. Everything else was instantly forgettable. This is not how it should be, but that’s where we are.

I am very, VERY angry, still: it’s there, sitting just beyond my field of vision. Yesterday it showed me just how destructive it could be, and although it was managed, I need to do something better with it than pretend it doesn’t exist. I sense a PHENOMENAL amount of exercise coming up, just to try and wring it out of me, to make exhaustion feed on it to keep me going. People had better not fucking forget what was lost on the way to their supposed salvation.

They really had better not forget the lives that no longer exist because of other people’s fucking greed.


No, really, it is. Not sure how long this will last, but the idea is to make the most of it.

When I suggested this last week, some lovely and well-meaning people attempted to steer me away. I appreciate the thought, really do, but I’m a big girl now and sometimes principle beats everything else. Those people who are tired of the same arguments are allowed to be so without redress. I am tired of the same fucking excuses that social media gives to forgive bad behaviour. It needs to stop. People can’t keep shitting where they sleep. Well, they can, but we’re all gonna die if they do.

Lot going on this weekend. Can’t wait.


We have two new features on the Work Twitter: #instaverse and #bedtimehaiku. Like most things right now, I’m trying them on to see if they fit, how the ideas feel around me, and honestly this is a winner. Occasionally a great poem needs to go to the Twitters and not get saved for submission. What else is promotion other than your best work? There needs to be a precise belief of your ability first, sure, but after that it is about taking the chance. This will become a video, I think. It will need the correct accompaniment. I have an idea.

After that, it is just the continued thrashing around in the virtual darkness with few if any signs that the World gives a fuck.

I take it as a good sign that the bloke who posted this was listening and clearly felt strongly enough to ‘like’ the irony. All the clever and smart people giving it all that in the replies, and nobody points out the bleeding obvious. Yes, this has always been a popularity contest, but right now the need to be heard and, more crucially responded to is becoming a bit of an issue. I unfollowed someone yesterday when it became apparent that their ideas and mine did not really match at all. Then I unfollowed someone else whose content I really liked, but they weren’t here to listen. I suspect there will be a fair deal of this behaviour going forward.

There’s a tipping point you reach when it becomes apparent only certain people get how this is supposed to work.

Last night I didn’t ignore something I might previously have, and significantly altered my world for the better. Sometimes you are the problem and the solution. It pays to pay attention, even when you’re ‘tired’. Yesterday was undoubtedly a watershed for so many things. It’s taken a year to get some stuff sorted in my head. Now that’s finally done and dusted, we can continue.

Playtime’s over, kids.

A Whole New World

Been an interesting weekend, all told. The irony of how much money I’ve spent over the years to try and pull in this amount of reach, and then it happens without even trying, is absolutely not lost on me. The timing is also more fortuitous than I first grasped, but that’s often the way these things work. Someone popped up and told me that they’d left the party because of their stance on sex-based rights, and if the Fates had not been utterly aligned before, they were then. Also, been mansplained twice, but you can’t have everything ^^

This week, therefore, is about mental health before physical health, because DEITIES GRASP that right now, the former’s a bigger issue than the latter. That means I’ve just signed up to do the Vitality 10,000 which is 10km which gets me a medal and a shirt. It costs me 19 quid for this, and I suspect my PT (who suggested it) thinks it will inspire me. It doesn’t. It’s what I’m doing four times a week right now, it’s part of my life. It’s another badge that is great to say I’ve earned, but doesn’t matter nearly as much as being told my writing is good.

It’s the things that money can’t buy that really matter most, did you not know this?

The Crying Game

The thing is, it IS all men. All this shit has been normalized to a point where this is the future that everybody Normal [TM] wants, where you know exactly what a woman is so if you flirt with you won’t get traumatized when you discover that maybe they aren’t what you thought they were. Forget their trauma, that’s irrelevant. This is all about you.

The Vengeful Left are out to get you all, Richard Littlejon says so. Except, in the end, all they want is change, and all the Benevolent Right wants is for nothing in their lives to change at all. There’s a problem with that, of course. The planet’s on fire, and nobody’s made anything for a while, and everything is a bit of a mess so, like it or not, Change is Inevitable.

This has been coming for a while. It’s not going away. It is time to pick your side, and dig in for the fight ahead because, like it or not, that is where we are. I know which side I’m on, and it’s time you did too, because there will be no prisoners here. That’s the point. One side isn’t interested in a fair and balanced view. One side isn’t bothered about anything other than themselves, their money and their position of power, or they wouldn’t have been siphoning off your IP’s on the quiet to track your viewing history.

All those people who thought we needed a good war? One’s on the way.

This time, it will be your rights and freedoms that could vanish without a trace.

Ah, that terrible left wing bias that even the Labour Party’s now trying to distance itself from because it feels there’s no other way to get in power otherwise.

What a time to be alive, eh?


Been a high stress week. Not *quite* over yet, one more Thing tomorrow and then notionally I can relax. Monday was HARD. However, we’re still here, and everything is still happening. I’ve not failed yet, though I did step back from an FTP Test last night because I’d have gone backwards, and that will never do. A lot of my personal stuff is being discussed in videos for Patreon right now, which is part of the problem, such as it is. I wonder if I’d like to do that long term and then realize that once a week is MORE than enough.

Anyway, where are we today?

Basically, nothing changes until the World does. Stuff like this is a good start. It does make you think there could be possibility. It’s whether enough people support the cause. When someone doesn’t know they’re gaslighting someone else, when abuse becomes acceptable, when people’s feelings become irrelevant… these are tough times. You just gotta hope the good people shine though. You really do.

The Good Ones are out there.

All the Small Things

Yeah, that’ll be a second newsletter, then. You make choices based on what you feel is best for your ‘brand’ when all is said and done, and This is the Way. No escaping the inevitability of not dissing every new thing that comes along and actually embracing a few. Just as long as it isn’t Instagram or Facebook, I’m happy. So, we have options, and a plan. We hit the Tier 1 Sub level, and it all changes. We’ll see where it ends. That’s all I can do, and it gives me options.

I think the Gaming strand could have legs, but this is only Wednesday. We’ll see.

A lot’s going on tomorrow too, and I’ll probably be working all weekend, which is a pain but a necessary consequence of my daughter returning to school next week. I’ve also got some actual weights here today too which is a real bonus for me preparing to go back to the Gym…

I might just go do my weights session now, if truth be told… no, let’s edit my video first…

Play the Game

Some days, you just KNOW something is a good idea. Others take weeks of thought and deliberation, but this was not one of them. Newsletters are a big deal right now, and I need to be making a couple of others on Mailchimp after I’m done here. This one, however, is for the Gamers, of which I remain one and really, truthfully, I should be doing something about. So, people can sub here if they want it. I’m giving it a month, and we’ll see where we are.

Yesterday, I prepped myself for the next Patreon project, which is making use of many, MANY words, currently gathering dust. My epic poem is ready to submit, it just needs a polish plus a few corrections, and after THAT it is just about picking a few poems for one-off prizes and a novel to go to another award. Everything else is exercise and fiction, and I could not be happier.

I’ve wanted to go back to fiction for a while, if truth be told, because the poetry is great and everything, but it is in fiction that my heart resides with most fondness. This is a period of healing and self-care too, and what matters most as a result is allowing myself the opportunity to reflect on what has been learnt. There is a lot of Real Life stuff coming up too, which needs to be provisioned for. This gives me ample opportunity to do everything and keep it all fresh.

More news as we get there.


Change is inevitable. However much you fight against it, the world’s doing stuff you can’t control. When this happens, a proper guard is essential or else someone will come in and bloody your nose. So, there’s a choice: do you just keep flailing, or is it time to defend yourself? Having spent far too many years attacking anything that I thought remotely was a threat, it’s time to be more sensible, thoughtful. Everybody’s waving carrots around but very few of these surrounding followers are hungry. That’s fine. It’s time to find those who are.

It’s the moment to accept that very few people I know actually listen to anything I say.

It’s okay, and yes, that’s absolutely a criticism. If you’re following me on Social media, why are you here otherwise? The entire point of it being ‘social’ is just that, except as human beings we can only manage about 150 meaningful relationships, with probably 5 BFF’s within that. However, that’s a pathetically small follower number. We all know social media’s abut finding monsters to point at and deride, and newspapers are beginning to work out that if they want people to access their paywalls, any publicity is good, even their own journalists pretending they’re the enemy.

Everybody’s on the take. That’s the game. If you’re not paying, you’re the product… except now, the lines are being more clearly defined. Without that precise delineation, it’s hard for people to know what they are actually paying for and as Facebook becomes more aberrant, and trust me it really is possible, other providers are gonna step up and just give people what they want, and if they have the reach, Facebook could and and might yet die. The next couple of years will be crucial. Australia is already showing what happens, and their climbdown so fast is a warning to everyone. We need robust government to make the changes, but not TOO robust or everybody suffers.

Let’s see how that goes.

There are a lot of catch-up mechanics in play right now. My Pokemon Game’s realized that the problem with having six expansions in play at once is that people who missed the start won’t keep playing if you don’t provide an opportunity for them to collect the old stuff. So, we’re getting weekends of retro content. Twitter know they’re missing a trick by not providing a sub service when they can cream off a percentage of the fees as an alternative to advertising. Everybody’s out to make money, and suddenly being free will become a selling point. I hope you’re making notes here, there’s a lot to keep up with.

What matters more than anything else is being flexible, and knowing that sometimes you don’t charge. Exposure is a dirty word for a lot of people, because yes you should absolutely be paid for what you do, but there are points where not doing so isn’t an advantage taken or a moment lost. Knowing when you ask, or when you can insist, is as important as knowing when to offer as a courtesy. In fact, it’s becoming its own saleable commodity. If I got offered the support slot to open for two big-name poets, I’d ask them what they’re being paid and then negotiate accordingly.

The key is to be honest to yourself before you worry about anyone else.