Yesterday

It’s taken me just over a month to get to see a Doctor, who then asked me why I’d not come to see him sooner, at which I burst into tears and explained to him that his own fucking staff are the problem. They asked me if I’d like to fill in a complaint form, at which I replied there was no point, because if it took that long to get here, I’d probably be waiting a year for an apology. The NHS might be great, but it is really very broken. Some of it is bad management, but occasionally some of it is people.

I need to record some audio tonight, and to do that I need to have actual poetry to read. I will make a script.

Then, after that, it is time to address the backlog.

9 to 5

I am still here. There is an Open Mic tonight. It is almost time to sit and write some poetry for the first time in a week, although there is a good chance I may end up asleep with an iPad stuck to my face. I need to finish the submission for the 31st as well. Then there *might* be an opportunity to work on the Patreon project, but don’t hold your breath.

Everything else is fucking mental.

Beds are Burning

Gonna be a tough week, for lots of reasons, none of which have anything to do with football. However, I had an amazing weekend of recycling old work into new collections for different places and, let it be said, that this really is the best it’s been for some time. I could do with more than six hours sleep, and my vocabulary is creaking a bit, but there is still lots to do under the circumstances.

That’s about it, really.

Start

It’s a new week! I’ve been out AGAIN! I went actual shopping and everyfink and there’s clothing for the first time in eighteen months. If it is useful for anything, it’s finding bra tops that aren’t actual bras with clasps that a) fit my peculiar body shape and b) are actually comfortable. This bra, I’m wearing now, is both. Welcome to the Future, boobies.

Yes, I KNOW I should have done this yesterday, but other stuff ended up mattering more.

It’s all a delicate balancing act…

Watching the Wheels

Monday, quite honestly, about a THOUSAND YEARS AGO.

This week has been everything I said it would be. Stuff is done, more stuff is submitted, and I have a proper plan of action for next week already taking form. There’s extra Patreon work at the weekend (two extra videos for the end of the month) but I am planning to get a LOT done tonight and tomorrow. The lie-in is beginning to look particularly attractive tomorrow morning too. Been a long week of RL stress, on top of everything else. The poetry however has been fucking glorious.

In fact, this is the gift that keeps on giving.

I have a lot to read going forward. I also have a plan about how I do it. Both of these things are connected, and it will be glorious. Then there are plans to play with poetry in other forms. On that front, I need to go look at some stuff on the Internet…

How Will I Know?

I have worked my arse off this week, but still got rejected yesterday, because I’m not good enough for the people currently being applied to. How do I get better? I have to do more work, and that’s all there is to it. This is not a big deal, except when I’m tired or there’s other real life issues wearing me down. Right now, a lie in tomorrow is the most exciting thing that can possibly happen, followed closely by the takeaway I just ordered.

We’ll get there, just not this week, that’s all.

Sabotage

This is the only blog I’ll write today: I should have done something on Wednesday but, to be honest, this week has gotten away from me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been immense, but simultaneously anger-inducing. All this will pass, as is always the case, and we’ll be back on the shit from Monday…

I am still recovering from Wednesday: the blister on my foot is now down to an acceptable level of pain, I have received a largely predictable response from the Doctors with reference to my pursuit of a particular diagnosis, and will be gearing up to attack the problem again, with the correct tools at my disposal. Major life changes begin on Monday. It’s all go here, and the goal remains to thrive, which I am.

Other people will not derail my progress.

Really, we are getting there.

It’s My Life

The plan was to shut down the personal account after the last part of my short story was posted. I’m not waiting until 5pm tomorrow to do this. It’ll happen at 5.15 today. There is really no point in stringing this out any further than necessary. I can’t move on being held back, and looking at what’s happened since this change was implemented? This is the way. It will also encourage me to finally get up to date with the website faffing as well.

The more I realize that many, many people weren’t listening at all, the more important it becomes to cut the chord. My perception of the reality that life was a part of is not necessarily broken, but it is undoubtedly flawed. Mostly I need to stop talking about it and move on, but it’s apparent that this is grief that I’m going through, that after years of using the place as inspiration before everything just dried up, my emotional attachment was far more complex than was at first the case.

So, we’ll move on ahead of schedule.

Living on the Ceiling

I am embarrassed and slightly concerned over just how often I switch browsers. I’ve become used to checking two social media presences, to the point where it has become a habit that needs to be broken. Instead, I have set the second browser’s leading tab to my work website, which is in need of a fair bit of work in the next few days, in the hope that when I do it as an impulse, it’ll automatically push me into beginning something constructive.

There’s also a minor triumph this morning that something which was worth absolutely nothing to me on Monday will now provide an unexpected financial bonus. It’s making me think that perhaps I could sell some more stuff going forward, if I can find space in my brain to accommodate the process. It is certainly worth some thought.

Less blogging, more actual work now.

The Gift

It took me a while to work out why I couldn’t share a Tweet from my personal account any more: it’s because I’ve locked it. It won’t exist on Monday anyway: I finally cut the chord and have decided to shut it down. I know I’ll lose over 2500 followers but honestly, when I interact with probably 150 of those on a regular basis (and nearly 100 have followed me to the new account) it’s not a loss. The people paying attention know I’m off, and I’ve messaged the rest.

It’s the necessary next step in personal evolution.

Yes, there will inevitably be casualties, but this is the moment to grasp that if this matters enough to people, they’ll come and find me. I cannot keep track of everything, and never could really with two ‘main’ accounts on the go simultaneously so, in the end, it was easier to make the choice. It’s not a personal sleight that I’ve ignored or forgotten people, and I hope they’ll understand that. Some will undoubtedly not understand why I’d trash a following on principle.

Those people I’m probably better off not following any more anyway.

Needless to say, starting on the first, an awful lot of stuff is gone for good.