This is the most significant thing I have done for myself in quite some time. It’s more important than my first book launch yesterday, and I do not state that lightly. Having the space not just to breathe but step back and consider things is crucial at this stage of my progression. There needs to be far more time thinking and far less worrying about what other people are doing. They are not me. I am a unique and important resource, and that’s not meant as new age bunkum.
I am currently in the middle of a TV show which is forcing some serious reconsideration of my mindset. I like being able to critically appraise what is being seen and read. It makes me realize the particular tools that will be required long term to do my personal ‘brand’ justice. No, I do not want to influence. I am here to disrupt, and long may the desire to do so continue. Too many people are sitting by idly doing nothing and watching their freedoms be eroded.
Change is a difficult time. I am permanently undergoing change. This suits me just fine.
We are in ‘evolve or perish’ mode right now, which requires an almost daily reinvention of the game plan. I’m also four weeks out from a 30-mile bike ride on closed roads and nowhere near the capacity to complete it. Therefore, we need some training and a bit of practice, plus some better snacking options than currently exist in the house. Balancing all this is the notion that doing the same as everyone else is a waste of my time.
Therefore, today, it is time to start building some new empires. They won’t be huge, and might take a fair bit of time to establish, but the concepts are solid. I am also doing a new, Tuesday cycling class for a few weeks to try and make it look like I am making an actual effort with the cardio. It’s with an instructor who covered my normal Thursday class last week and ended up killing me. I was very pleased at this turn of events, so it is time to see how things operate in her natural habitat :D
There’s been a lot of struggles over the last year to get my wok/writing balance right. I think we might be getting there now. Certainly the changes to my body would suggest that progress is happening. The next step is to try and normalize the sleep pattern, lay off the biscuits and really make some inroads into finding some kind of style that does not involve living in exercise gear, however comfortable that might end up being…
Day One Proper of my Big Advocacy Gig went off largely without a hitch. I am really having to work rather hard now to concentrate on writing sentences, however, which probably means that a cheeky nap is in my future. The amount of anxiety generated by trying to be someone who looks both focussed and organized is equal to ten times the normal expended energy output. It is a tough ask, even now, to play the part of someone who’s not panicking internally all the fucking time.
However, it is having an effect. People are listening, and conversations are being started, but as this is only Week One of Twelve, I probably need to do something about better management of my feelings. Also, really, will need more sleep than I’m currently managing. I’m not sure why that is either, but it isn’t about the amount of work I’m doing, that is certain. Once this week’s stress over making video wears off, we’ll be in a better place.
I have one out of seven done, and if a nap is secured later, we’ll make that three before the end of the day. The video is all finished and planned, just have to record audio and do the construction work. You’ll see them in a week, which is Mental Health Awareness Week. I hope I can make every one a part of a cohesive, narrative journey.
We managed two days, and then Friday happened with probably the most important thing of my professional career thus far, as the flashpoint. Therefore, I forgive my slip up and am both kind and understanding to myself. It always takes time to re-establish a new system. I am notoriously shit at doing it too, this should never be a surprise. We will regroup, and start again.
There is a phenomenal amount of Stuff happening. I had someone ask for a bio yesterday for a Poetry Submission I’m reasonably certain no-one actually told me I’d been successful in. That’s a new one, and I have absolutely no idea exactly how many poems that means were accepted from my original document. Everyone around me seems to be either starting a journal or a publishing press. It’s proper bonkers, but in the best possible way.
I have my own plans. They are still in the planning stages, but will be reasonably awesome. Or, at least, I hope they will be. The end result will use sharing, video and audio, because these are all things I can use and be comfortable with now. Also, it’s cheaper than renting out a venue, and my audience potentially is 5 billion people. What’s not to like about that?
Watch this space.
Occasionally it is important to be reminded that hope exists. If you’re unfeasibly rich, happily settled in your life and in no need of anything, it is easy to forget where or even that there is an opposite of that place. So many people live in a perpetual state of fear, discomfort and unhappiness, and if the media had their way they’d not exist, period. Other people’s suffering should, in their mind, only happen at distance or long after the fact.
Next week, a lot potentially could change. The whole damn country could alter on Thursday, if truth be told, if enough people can get off their arses and make it. That this will be the last set of elections that do not require you to possess some form of ID to vote is both significant and damning. The people in power want to stay there forever. It’s up to us to make sure that does not happen. It is up to the people to use democracy and usher in real change.
You should vote Green or Lib Dem. It’s a no-brainer, because the Labour Party allowed the Conservatives to fundamentally alter the voting landscape for very much the worse, under the auspice of control. You don’t need these people telling you what to do any more. It’s no longer about experience or policy. It’s about cutting away decades of rotten, dead wood from the Garden of England, before we all choke to death on carbon monoxide.
This is your moment, Britain. Do the right fucking thing.
Is it really going to matter having people with no experience of governing into power when the people who’ve done it for decades are thieving, robbing bastards, who are utterly corrupted from the top down? No, I don’t think it is. Any change is better than nothing. That’s where we are now. Honestly, a bunch of trained Circus Parakeets would be more functional, and lie less.
As a result, it would be easy to be disillusioned and totally depressed today and not get anything done. Nope, that’s not going to happen. I have a decent chance of altering the environment I live in to the better in the next few months, and I’m fucked if I’m letting anybody else piss on those collective fireworks. Change begins with you. That’s where we are, and that’s what’s happening now. Let’s go.
Progress is being made. It is slow and often very painful, but that’s how this shit works.
Next month, we come back here to post reguarly.
Youngest had COVID, and we were worried. I’ve spent basically a month chasing Sky to get a Glass. There’s 35k of a NaNoWriMo written and a couple of fairly significant mental health wobbles negotiated. I missed writing, but I needed exercise more, mostly as the means to keep me sane. Starting tomorrow therefore, a rearrangement of priorities is in order, because there needs to be more writing that’s not on social media, and more for mental health. I’m applying for jobs. This is the way forward, like it or not.
I feel let down a lot by other people. October was the birthday month that made me realize that, like it or not, other people don’t care as much as I’d like them to. Many of those who stuck with me through this period I will never successfully ever be able to thank. There are a lot of others I’d like to set fires under too, but revenge is no use to anyone, when all is said and done. It’s a romantic notion, but all that energy expended is better placed in constructive progress, and that’s what we’re doing.
My future is in video, coffee and learning to back the right people.
I’ve had two journal acceptances over the last seven days. The good work is beginning to kick in, such as it is, and there are some important lessons to be learned from how work is edited and what will and will not work as content. As a result, this is literally the first opportunity that has existed to sit down and write a blog. I am exhausted.
There will be no letup to this: I am in Zoom meetings for learning/content/assessment/progression until Christmas. There needs to be the means of decompressing mentally as well as physically. As a result, I am attempting to be more flexible than previously. There also needs to be specific, mentally-targetted rest periods factored in.
Therefore, tomorrow is a VERY long walk and photos.
I should have been referred today for an Adult ASD diagnosis. The doctor has all the paperwork, I’ve provided a personal referral statement. As he refused to see me in person, I have no idea of his veracity at this point. We’ll see how it goes, but I have done all that could be done, and as a result am mentally exhausted.
Everything else has gone extraordinarily well this week, including having massive progress on the house.
Normal posting, such as it remains, will return again on Monday.