It was a Good Weekend (TM) and, as a result, this is scheduled from yesterday, because today I have to go out for the day, which is the first time this has happened effectively since COVID. There were moments before it all went horrible, but they were BM (Before Masks) and as a result do not properly count. I’ll be with my youngest and their friend, though, so it won’t be as stressful as might be the case alone.
There will be pictures too, and that’s not happened for a while.
The rhetoric is not stopping out here, it is probably getting worse as time goes on. That’s the way people think they can be when there’s no effective means for anyone to stop them, except there are changes. High profile libel cases, stupid people thinking they can get away with just deleting the Tweet and that’s enough. It won’t be. It’s also reassuring to see the Conservatives rattled, and the Green Party becoming a likely third force in British politics. Let’s just hope it’s not too late for the planet, eh?
Keeping busy stops me from stressing about lots of things.
Whatever happens, this is already a good week.
I’m gonna wear this T shirt for HIIT training tomorrow :D
It took me a while to work out why I couldn’t share a Tweet from my personal account any more: it’s because I’ve locked it. It won’t exist on Monday anyway: I finally cut the chord and have decided to shut it down. I know I’ll lose over 2500 followers but honestly, when I interact with probably 150 of those on a regular basis (and nearly 100 have followed me to the new account) it’s not a loss. The people paying attention know I’m off, and I’ve messaged the rest.
It’s the necessary next step in personal evolution.
Yes, there will inevitably be casualties, but this is the moment to grasp that if this matters enough to people, they’ll come and find me. I cannot keep track of everything, and never could really with two ‘main’ accounts on the go simultaneously so, in the end, it was easier to make the choice. It’s not a personal sleight that I’ve ignored or forgotten people, and I hope they’ll understand that. Some will undoubtedly not understand why I’d trash a following on principle.
Those people I’m probably better off not following any more anyway.
Needless to say, starting on the first, an awful lot of stuff is gone for good.
It’s been a Week when blogging got sidelined for poetry performance and mental health. Both are important, but it needs to be said that I enjoy this, that the blog must never be ignored in my spaces of personal significance. Without these words, there would be no poetry. This was the true sandpit, where the ideas were first played with. Without it, there would be no me. I need to find ways to make this space and others relevant again. We’ll work on it.
I have the beginnings of a Set List. This is really important, and the two poems are different sides of the mental health coin for me. I tried out a poem last night that I know is really strong, and so it’s going to get entered for a Thing as a result. I doubt it will win, but I’ll never know if I don’t try. All of this is experimentation, after all, but increasingly is the realization people like me, as a person, as well as the work. That’s going to take some time to get used to.
It’s that moment when you realize that, actually, these people aren’t actually your friends, they are just Mutuals being polite because if they WERE your friends they’d have worked out how fucked you are right now and will have reached out and offered to help. It’s the comprehension that you are running at a different frequency to everybody else: mostly just out of their field of vision, undoubtedly over their range of hearing.
It’s the time to be polite and let people know what’s going on, whilst accepting most of them won’t even fucking notice anyway. Those who do understand that this isn’t like the other times either, she’s not doing it for attention but actually quite the opposite. She doesn’t need you to agree with her any more either. This is not about a fan club. It’s the realization this voice in her head is NEVER going away and that the cadence has existed for a very long time indeed.
It’s all here, like it’s always been for the entirety of my life but only now do I have the physical strength to mentally manage that workload. Six years to get tough enough. Absolutely worth the effort, and it’s not like I’m going to stop here either. The next twenty-four hours is gonna feel like a month, but on the other side is progress. That prolific work rate should have been the red flag a lot sooner, but it’s okay now, we’ve got this. The problem comes when people do actually start listening… but really, after all this time…
Is anyone really that bothered except me?
The loss of Popchips Corn Chips was akin to the loss of a much loved jumper or a favourite pair of leggings. Somewhere between Lockdown Start 2020 and Christmas, someone in Popchips HQ clearly looked at what sold and discovered this snack was not it. The company decided to throw their lot simply into making air-fried potato chips instead, which are poor imitations of this snack’s clear superiority. I even asked them on Social media, right out, what had happened and they were honest. No more corn, just potato.
I was gutted, not gonna lie.
Then, I discovered somewhere that was still selling them…
I’ve tried a number of substitutes for this snack, and I had settled on an alternative, though it must be said that Snack a Jacks are really inferior pretenders, but sometimes you just have to accept that your favourite thing is no more. Except, if there is one box of 36 bags out there that costs me less than a pack of cigarettes? There will be others, and if they don’t expire until November 2021? OH YOU BET MY SIZEABLE ARSE I will be tracking them down and putting them into storage. There’s not much in this world I love, after all. This is pretty high up the list.
There will be further investigation into what’s out there, and I will be buying them, OH YES…
No, really, it is. Not sure how long this will last, but the idea is to make the most of it.
When I suggested this last week, some lovely and well-meaning people attempted to steer me away. I appreciate the thought, really do, but I’m a big girl now and sometimes principle beats everything else. Those people who are tired of the same arguments are allowed to be so without redress. I am tired of the same fucking excuses that social media gives to forgive bad behaviour. It needs to stop. People can’t keep shitting where they sleep. Well, they can, but we’re all gonna die if they do.
Lot going on this weekend. Can’t wait.
Some days, I wish someone else could come up with the answers so I don’t have to do it for myself.
This has been a VERY long month. Next three days are chaos for my Real Life too. Nothing bad, just stuff that needs doing properly. As a result there are no words left today. Sorry.
Back here Wednesday, I promise.
‘Run’ is a broad term. My times will tell a seasoned runner that, a lot of the time, this is a pseudo jog, or a very fast-paced walk. They know what their splits are, where weaknesses lie. I’m here, right now, trying to breathe from my diaphragm and not pass out. This is about betterment and empowerment in ten second improvements. However, in the next week we’re gonna open the throttle a bit and see what we can do.
My best 5km is 46:27. I reckon 30 seconds off that’s doable on this new course I have organized for myself. So, the first part of this is a sub 46 minute result. The second set is endurance and practising active recovery over distance. That means seeing if 15km is doable tomorrow. It should be, with a route pre-planned. Gonna be the warmest day of the year so far as well, so…
Only one way to find out.