Wonderland

I’m sorry to keep going on about this but FUCK ME MY TEETH ARE PISSING ME OFF. It isn’t the one that they filled that is the problem right now, it is everything else in my mouth that has now become hyper sensitised as a result of the nerve damage. The dentist did give me this as the worst case scenario: if it’s too painful, they either have to take the root out or remove the tooth completely and right now?

I don’t care what you do just make the pain stop.

If painkillers are taken, it does go away. The problem is, I don’t want to be mainlining paracetamol long term, and trying to live without them for extended periods of time has variable results. Right now, for the first time today, the offending tooth is what hurts. It’s a dull ache at jawbone level, which is undoubtedly less pain than existed on Tuesday. It has only been four days, after all, and I am sleeping.

Who knew time was running so slowly this soon before Christmas?

Oh fuck this, I’m taking painkillers.

Yesterday’s Men

Wednesday is normally a bit teeth-grindy. I can’t do that really right now, though this morning it must be said the pain has reduced from yesterday so maybe I should just shut the fuck up and wait to heal. The Bond 25 trailer dropped, and despite best efforts I could not escape it: it even turned up on the electronic advert screens at the Gym. Still not going to the cinema to consume, it can wait for a DVD release.

However, it looks like an improvement on Spectre.

spectregif#1

I’ve not really hit my writing targets this week, mostly because of pain, if truth be told. However, there’s been some major exercise developments, which included me being able to get on a bike yesterday afternoon, do approximately thirty minutes and feel as if it worked for me. It also sets a notional benchmark for the rest of the month. Same course, same time, and if I feel like doing more, I can.

051219

There’s also been a bit more of a focus on stretching, plus trying to ensure thirty press-ups a day are done regardless of whether I’m resting or not. Stamina doesn’t just come from longer workouts and harder training, it has consistency at its core, and this is a part of the equation I have failed at quite a bit across the years. Things feel like they are coming together too, this is the new status quo.

Yay.

English Tea

Four days into the TEA ADVENT, and now I realise there’s just not enough enthusiasm in me to be an influencer…

Sure, I can do the pictures and make things look cool and interesting but honestly, I’m never going to like ROSE TEA. It brings back disturbing childhood memories of Turkish Delight and my Great Grandma, who I think died when she was having a leg amputated… or something, it’s all a bit hazy. Needless to say, this is not the stuff of lovely Instagram layouts. I’m too honest to be an Influencer. I’m not lying for cash, sorry.

This form of bloggin also brings into sharp relief what exactly people will believe and/or swallow in the name of ‘paid promotion’. It is, in essence, the same as the Avon lady who’d come round our house once a week when I was a kid wearing all the products my mum would then purchase, which I’d have a slight interest in. It’s only pyramid selling in a different guise, and that seems to be back.

In the end, however, I am a creature of habit. Give me tea I genuinely like (Earl Grey above) and the World is a better place and there’s no need for dishonesty. The bigger issue, ultimately, is that consumerism will destroy us all unless it is seriously curtailed in the next forty years and all some people seem to be interested in is buying useless crap they don’t need. Tea is a staple for me, I don’t need 30000000 flavours. Just tea works.

The problem then arises that the World isn’t like me, again. They do want Rose Tea and little strings to hang their Air Pods on so they don’t get lost and all the Funko Pops in the world… no, this is not the future. I’ll keep posting the tea reviews, but it’s time to drop the hashtags and the @ to the company who make this stuff. Sorry people, there’s better people to throw money at.

I’ll be over here, just drinking.

Just Like Christmas

The sun is coming up and I’m in the kitchen, making my first cuppa of the day. On the radio Low’s ‘Just Like Christmas’ begins to play. There’s a moment of irrefutable resignation: this song has altered in resonance from the last time it was heard. It will now be forever associated with someone who, this year, was sued over something that was said on the Internet.

Let me tell you the story.

davegrolthanksyou

I’m not even sure where we first met: was it Usenet? Possibly, it could also have been LiveJournal, but that would have been during its very early days. At that point he was living in the South West; we regularly emailed each other. They were funny, interesting and enjoyable communications, yet the truth was very apparent. His interest was, it transpired, only relevant until I was married. Then, silence.

In the midst of what I thought was a friendship, he sent me a Christmas CD. It was, it must be said, a work of utter genius: songs I’d never heard before, impressive pieces including Low’s song, which immediately became synonymous with him. It was only years afterwards that the truth became apparent: it was not a hand-picked, curated selection. He’d copied it from someone else. Melody Maker.

boosh

When his name turned up in my Twitter feed this year I won’t lie, it was a surprise. Looking to see what had caused this, then it wasn’t. He was always unspoken, edgy, set in his ways, even back then. We were friends because he let me, I realise now. If there were any genuine care and sentiment that existed, I’m not sure I’d be able to judge it as such. Suddenly, knowing this past made an immediate connection with the moment.

What this makes me grasp is that having fulfilling friendships with anyone online is dependant on two way honesty. If you’re not regularly communicating with someone, like every day, yes you can be friends, but… it only works if you’re giving as much as the other person. If all that happens is taking, if that relationship is largely passive? No, they don’t care about you unless you see them do it.

whothrowsashoe

Sure, you can meet IRL once a year and it will be as if nothing changed, but to do this there is a fundamental part of yourself which needs to be given away, willingly. You can’t do it in letters, or emails, or blog posts. It doesn’t happen on Facebook or in Tweets. I’d need Skype and just you, tea and cake, actual physical interaction to move friendship past words on a screen.

I never met him IRL, and know why. If it had mattered, we would have kept in touch, and if that had happened there’s a better than average change I’d have distanced myself from him a while ago. In the end, his intractability was attractive as a discussion point but impractical as a basis for friendship. I’ve met people across all sexes who are like this. Sometimes, like it or not, you have to yield, or nothing is possible.

dontbeadick

I hope, by writing this down, Low’s song will stop giving me a burst of melancholy every time it’s heard from now on… but maybe that’s a good thing. It can be the warning that occasionally, stuff just isn’t meant to happen, however much you’d like that not to be the case. You won’t be friends with everyone, and it’s a waste of effort to try.

You accept the loss, and move on.

King of Pain

Yesterday’s dentistry continues to vex me today. However, if honest, pain is at levels far lower than 24 hours ago, even with the benefit of three times the normal dose of injected numbing shiz… which tastes awful when the dentist fires it into your mouth and almost chokes you with it. It wasn’t all bad though, I got a commission out of it. All that needed was to destroy my mouth in the process.

Easy game.

This morning, I finally went and talked to the Health Club about Mental health and exercise plus other shiz. It all went remarkably well, considering. I had a receptive audience, who understands what needs to be done. We will see.

bunnyeat

Oh yeah, and the Bond 25 trailer’s due on Wednesday:

At least we’ve stopped trying to dress up that Mr Craig’s over 50, but honestly…nothing here screams of the originality that’s supposed to be dragging this franchise into the 21st century. Yeah, I know, it’s only 20 seconds, but what you stick in your promo is a big deal. However, whatever happens tomorrow, this is already a done deal for me. I’ll wait for it to hit DvD.

I’m not shelling out cash to see this at a cinema. The last Bond I did that for was Skyfall, after which this franchise and me were done, and still are. You cannot make this character relevant, and if you did, it would break the concept. So, you either pretend you care, or you move on. It’s time to do the latter. When all is said and done, there are better ways to use my time.

I hear Knives Out is really worth a watch.

Tea For One

This could have gone one of two ways, let’s be honest. It was either gonna be woeful and would be quietly forgotten within a week or so or else I’d enjoy it so much I’d want to go and buy some Christmas Tea, which is exactly what is going to happen after this blog’s been written. Yesterday’s starting brew was enough to really make me think long and hard about what I might be missing out on. Amazingly, it is Christmas spices.

As an exercise in objective criticism it is really useful. ‘It tastes okay’ is not enough of a descriptor to get through the next twenty-four days: I can understand what floral notes are, how you find warmth when something is hot… it all makes sense. Even having to factor MAJOR DENTISTRY into the equation has not been a significant detraction: sitting here, the Mango and Bergamot I just drank effectively warm will be attractive when hot.

We’ll be brief today because there’s other stuff to do but on Wednesday there’ll be time to talk at greater length, mostly about how this kind of technical project’s exactly what is needed to keep me on top of the other things in my life. For now, I need some painkillers and something to eat… plus, this Christmas Tea will not order itself…

A Quiet Place

I’ve worked my arse off this weekend, I really have, and there’s so much left to do. Fortunately for me the organisational side of things is not too big an ask now the backwork’s done, and it’s just about keeping on top of maintenance for the rest of the month. I’ll do a His Dark Materials catch up in the week, and then start working out what I’d like to watch from the pile of TV I’ve not seen, plus a fair few DVD’s.

After that it’s this week for Christmas Gift making (plus the odd few that need buying) and organising selling some stuff on Ebay. I have shabby alts to level in Warcraft. There’s that dentistry appointment Monday and then the start of the new exercise regime. How does this all fit into a week? I dunno, but at least the majority of things are organised in my favour. That feels good.

Then, there’s this microphone that needs setting up… ^^