All That I Am

Occasionally, an internet meme comes along which has the unexpected affinity to completely define what you are. Only after the fact does the significance of four things chosen get grasped: not to be clever, or show a level of affinity with anyone else. In one, glorious moment, you encapsulated an entire consciousness with four images.

As a child of the 60’s you might expect something older in the mix. 2001 could replace Arrival. You could stick Sense and Sensibility (Ang Lee) in for P&P. Casino Royale would work just as well as Skyfall. Nothing, however, touches The Fisher King, and when you have that as a foundation… well, it’s all that really matters. You people looking for meaning can stop here. Honestly, everything you will ever need to know about me is in this Tweet. If you don’t understand the significance of this quartet?

I’m done.

Still Alive

benefits

By far my biggest single issue is obsessing about the things I should just let happen by themselves.

However, occasionally there’s a moment where concern about something becomes justified, and my worries that the course of tablets prescribed for a chest infection was doing more harm than good ended up as being the right call. As a result, there are new drugs and a distinct improvement from this time last week, which frankly feels like a lifetime ago. I don’t see any point in writing about what happened, on reflection. Sometimes, you don’t need to share everything.

I’m on light duties in the brain department, until Monday when we’ll go back to Work Mode (TM). For now, having got the all clear to begin exercising again, I’m working on arm rehab and getting back to approximating normal routines. There’ll be work on back end stuff across the weekend, the beginnings of which will be apparent to those of you paying attention. Mostly, it is reassuring to be back to ‘normal.’

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm

Thought I was getting better on Thursday.

I was wrong.

==

Seven tablets taken, and the fight is finally on.

Everything aches. Each minor niggle sustained in the last three months. The weight that I slammed into right leg. That turned left ankle. Back and shoulders accept that ‘muscle and joint pain’ is on the antibiotic list of ‘side effects’ and you’ll fucking suck it up. My left hand can’t even squeeze a toothpaste tube, so it’s time to look at the bright side in a desperate attempt to stay positive. Mobility is UP. Reach is BETTER. Weight is DOWN and maybe this time you could make the most of this and not let it creep back up with bad habits.

Is the dizziness another side effect of the antibiotics or is there not enough oxygen getting to my lungs?

==

Eight tablets taken and it’s okay, I don’t have to go to the Hospital.

All afternoon, energy has drained from a grey body: it isn’t the infection but the antibiotics destroying my system, reducing me to a sofa-bound wreck, either too hot or cold. Six side effects of the drug are now showing, and I can’t sleep, because muscles in my left arm can be felt healing. There desperately needs to be a distraction. NCIS saves me, but vitally distracts an overactive imagination. The last time I binge-watched was when pneumonia took me to Hospital. That was 2004.

The parallels between this and that have already been drawn.

==

Nine tablets taken and you stop worrying at 4am.

Husband deserves the bed because the sofa shouldn’t be where he goes to let me sleep tonight. Even with the wheezing, discomfort and pain, it is just a chest infection. Learn not to build your part up. Get a sense of realism, and get help far sooner. Listen to your body more than is currently the case, and let medical professionals diagnose issues AND NOT YOU. This is your scheduled wakeup call.

You need more help than you’re currently taking.

==

It’s a lovely Saturday, and it’s finally warm enough to sit the garden with ‘The War of the Worlds.’

Time to reassess on Monday.

Breathe

I went to bed fine. I have NO IDEA what happened between that point and 2am, but waking up with an inability to lie horizontally without feeling I was drowning in my own lungs was not ideal. Shifting to the sofa so the rest of the house was not woken up by coughing meant there was little to no sleep there either. Going upstairs at the Gym this morning got me out of breath, but I was able to do a fairly robust one hour PT session, plus walk to and from there in the cold without issue.

Maybe this is the year hayfever could be out to kill me.

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Other than that I’m feeling pretty good. Changing gears in the car can happen now so there’s a supermarket trip in my immediate future (just have to avoid reversing, because pressure plus one movement too many at current levels.) Physiotherapy tomorrow is already looking up because there’s so much more straight in my arm than was there last week. I have everything organised and am confident it will happen. Plus, a new sushi restaurant has opened, so it’s time to scope out what’s on offer…

BRB staring at raw fish.

Shut Up

This is effectively the same rant I had on Wednesday on the Warcraft blog. There’s no point doing it a third time because if after three years people still aren’t listening, nothing is going to change.

In the vain hope someone might get it if I’m simple and honest:

  • We began as ‘friends’ but you invested far too much into the assumption,
  • You then said something that was selfish, unreasonable and made me feel uncomfortable,
  • I asked you not to do that again:
  • You did it again;
  • I stopped talking to you.

No passive-aggressive shit here, people. Just the facts.

Normal Service resumes tomorrow.