Oops! I Did it Again

Yesterday, I was pointed by a friend to this blog post: a free virtual reality channel is going to be offered for the Oculus Rift (that’s the headset, pay attention) that’s nothing but porn. Now, if you’re even remotely interested in gaming you will know that VR’s about to enter its third coming (no pun intended) and that anybody and their myopic relative’s gonna want a VR ‘unit’ for a console/PC. Except those of us with vision issues are already backing away slowly from the possibility of this whole new world, because we’re just not interested in that kind of immersion. For everybody else? Yes, you can get as excited as you like, just remember to clean up afterwards. Seriously, however, having porn on VR is inevitable, and not really as depressing as you might think. Because, slowly but surely, sex is undergoing a revolution that means, in time, it won’t just be the heterosexual blokes being stimulated over 360 degrees.


These are female sex toys. The thing on the string is the modern (and remote controlled) equivalent of the ancient Ben Wa balls, the circle with the hole is a clitoral massager, and the lovely pink item shaped like an apostrophe is a ‘couples toy’: it shouldn’t take a genius to work out how that operates. The market in female ‘pleasure’ has always existed, it’s just that when you mention porn, it’s always considered in the same breath as being a men only pursuit, which is so not true it’s actually amusing. Pornhub however is unlikely to be immediately offering options for both sexes and every flavour in between, but you can guarantee other people will. Because if there’s one thing the internet is good for? Yeah. We all know that, your kiddie search pretends it doesn’t exist and the rest of us take our chances. However, what VR now opens up, should this actually be the time it takes off, is a way for two people to have a relationship over distance without any of the unpleasant side effects that normal sex offers: you know, pregnancy, disease, all that nasty stuff if we’re doing it ‘traditionally’ and if we’re not… well, here’s the thing.

VR could make virtual sex between consenting partners a reality.

Most smart people know the most important sexual organ you possess is your brain. Bodily functions come a poor second when you can’t make your head aroused, and what VR has the biggest potential for is to fool us into believing that actually, that person does actually want to fuck us. That means that there will come a point where software exists that allows you to use VR to copulate and believe you’re with someone else, because the potential market for this just doesn’t need to be explained. Chat rooms stop being you staring at a person and asking them to be sexy for you, they give you a vessel in which to complete the act and not have to worry about the Walk of Shame afterwards. People don’t have to ever leave their houses to go on first dates… and hang on, there’s a fine line being trodden between acceptable and dystopia. Except, for the people who understand that a healthy sex live does involve being in the same room as your partner for sex? VR will still have value, because it will allow people to be apart and still be together. You’ll be able to go on business and spend your nights in bed together.

Mostly, it gives plastics and electronic manufacturers another excuse to plunder natural resources for high end devices that will replicate the actions of someone else. Trust me when I say to you this is big business, and does not come cheap. Also believe that people are already exploiting this to within an inch of both decency and expectation. Don’t be offended or surprised. Sex has sold for thousands of years, and nothing is likely to change on that front for many thousands of years to come.

I’d lie back and think of England.

[PS: If you want lovely (albeit expensive) sex toys? lelo.com have you covered :D]