You’re Not Alone

It is good to know that you’re not alone. Knowing how easy it is to feel totally isolated in rooms full of people, that connection is pretty vital, especially in high stress situations, is really rather useful to grasp. How you deal with these situations however is a different matter. This morning, despite balance problems caused by hayfever, an early bike ride was the answer. I feel better than was the case when waking.

Last year, when I got this, it took a few days for my body to adjust. I’m hoping this year will be no different, inside my left ear (again) is itchy and uncomfortable. Even half a non-drowsy antihistamine will knock me out for the day, and there is too much to do. Sometimes, you just have to suck it up and push through, and so that’s what I am going to do. What matters more, right now, is progress.

We live in hyperbolic times. Everything is a surprise, nothing is exactly as it initially appears, and yet so many people will allow themselves to be sucked into the belief that somehow, we will all come out of this as better people. That only happens if you are capable of understanding that you are part of the process. Life doesn’t just change around you. This is about you, evolving as well.

Sadly, some people seem to think that change involves everything they know remaining totally intractable and everybody else somehow compensating for that. This ‘cooking crisps in their bags with eggs’ thing is a perfect example of that. Heaven forbid people attempt to alter their outlooks to take in new ideas, or learn how to cook with foods that are actually more nutritionally beneficial. Just carry on as you are, white people. 

We’ve established you think you’re more important, and you’re not.

Our arrogance knows no bounds. The problems with this are already beginning to emerge onto a wider stage: there I was, thinking I was the only person who could see the Emperor starkers. It appears that’s not the case, the muttering is beginning to increase in volume. The number of people on mute is beginning to rise too: I appreciate some of you are using drink and drugs to cope, but I don’t need to see that. You should keep those things to yourself, because you don’t need to share everything.

I also don’t need your casual sexism in an attempt to be funny. I’m not looking for that kind of friend right now. Also, if you’re going to ask me if I’d drop my Patreon prices so you could sign up and then pretend you never said such a thing when I’m staring at evidence that you quite obviously did, don’t expect me to be happy I was flexible on your behalf. Selfish behaviour is easy when people are able to brush it off.

When your stupidity is the difference between anger and disappointment, maybe you are the one who’s the issue and not the person who did as they were asked…

Really, you have a great deal to learn. It is all here, if you would only take the time to read it, but nope, more important things to do. Stupidity really does know no bounds, and this last month has highlighted just how dumb people are when they forget that their point of view isn’t the only one that exists on the planet…

Won’t get Fooled Again

I rode REALLY hard yesterday evening, because I stopped obsessing about all the shit I’d been obsessing about all week and JUST RODE. It sounds so easy, when you’re NOT exercising how to do it well. Sportspeople have to talk their games as well as play them. It isn’t enough to be physically at the top of your game any more. People demand entertainment, there has to be a backdrop.

Just you is never enough.


I could have programmed intervals on the bike trainer, but yesterday wanted to give it a go for myself. I’m still taking baby steps: as a guide, flat out right now is about 115 watts. That’s puny, it really is. Before, when I was training for Ride London, I peaked at about 135 watts, which is still pretty basic when you grasp my husband idles at about 220 watts. Having a benchmark is useful. Realising you are one of many is also fairly crucial when it comes to progress.

However, sometimes, it isn’t just about that.

My Trainer arranged a Zoom quiz yesterday for her client list, that I ducked out of. I would have known some of these people, undoubtedly, but felt no real desire to be pushed into a collective ‘experience’. My trainer, I realise, does not know me very well at all, and the reason for that is simple. I’ve never told her a ton of things, because after the last time I got too close to someone who trained me and they then left, I’ve treated our relationship differently.

We are all obsessed, in our own ways, in what matters most in relationships.

Trying to build an audience based on being a socially-awkward loudmouth is not nearly as simple as it used to be. Refusing more and more to tow lines that are frankly ridiculous however is the easiest thing in the world. I use a metaphor more and more in daily life, something that emerged when I was a gaming writer. Certain companies will do literally anything to pull you into their worlds, in the hope you never leave.

Except there comes a point when everyone loses the immersive thread. The more mercenary IPs will be clever when this happens, inventing new systems and responding to criticism to ensure you return and become reinvested. However, the bigger picture remains utterly intractable: keeping a game the same is dangerous. What maintains happiness in one group of people, will make others distrustful.

That’s not true. Connect 4’s been copied more times than it is probably possible to get away with. Classic games are just that, and people will want to play them because, in their eyes, any variant of that original is clearly inferior. It isn’t about the gaming, it’s the people playing it who create the unique experiences, especially in games where you’re dependant on others. What happens when you grasp this is where the change occurs.

Reality is not something a lot of people are that invested in right now. Many cannot cope or comfortably conceive the consequences of where we find ourselves. It’s not a surprise either: these are extraordinary times we find ourselves within. Knowing what you can or cannot do is a good way of creating a barometer for your own wellbeing. This helps give everything else a realistic level for attainment.

We are all, in our own ways, screaming into the void. How we present ourselves is crucial: ironically, all you really ever need to know about me is online. It’s all here, if you take the time to read it. Of course, on most days, people just don’t have the time to do so. Except right now, time is the one thing most people possess in excess. This is the moment when you’ll know who your real friends are online.

Time to start paying attention.