You Never Know

The thing is, it could be anyone.

On Thursday, it was the person least expected who had the meltdown. It wasn’t massive, or indeed obvious, but as someone who’s now being taught to read the signs and understand what to look for… it was easy to spot. This is the scheduled reminder that one in three people will suffer from a Mental health issue at some point in their lives. Paying attention is incredibly important.

Sometimes the signs are there from an awfully long way away, and you don’t really grasp the significance of something until it is far too late. Then it becomes apparent that maybe it’s time to start watching things a little more carefully than you did before. Obsession’s a life-destroying experience, but once you work out why, so much becomes easier: knowing what is dangerous, and how you deal with it, is the key to enlightenment.

This week, self-awareness has led to some quite significant revelations.

I’m up early on a Sunday not just to write, but to reorganise some parts of my life. Yesterday was tough, despite being hugely positive: Impostor Syndrome’s a pig sometimes, and it can be easy to allow yourself to be consumed by negativity created by your own brain’s inability to grasp that yes, you can do all of this. What changed the situation around last night was something minor, but brilliant.

There was a moment just before bed when brain stopped being consumed by the worry: there is nothing you can do about other people. If they don’t like what you’re doing, that’s their problem. More significantly, if those people are attempting to derail you or make circumstances about them? It’s the same thing. It’s Narcissism, and these people are just totally and utterly not worth your time. Ignore them, and move on.

There are risks associated with a great many things in life: if you want to succeed, it’s very simple. Take the chance, move forward, overcome the danger. Do not let fear consume you. Obsessing over things that do not matter and can never be altered is a waste of everybody’s time and energy. Once you eliminate the bad shit, it really is easier for everybody moving forward.

Who knew all this psychology gubbins was worthwhile, eh?

Material Girl

This PC is many MANY years old and finally I have realised it needs replacing. As my ethical standpoint has issue with buying such things new, I’ve got a reconditioned, older machine waiting for the weekend so that things can be swapped over with the minimum of fuss. It means watching videos on my machine will become viable again, which I miss greatly. A tablet is fine, but bigger screen = WIN.

Whilst we’re waiting for the weekend to turn up, a lot of stuff seems to be causing outrage of late. Gaming companies, police forces, football crowds, awards for books… all of these have caused Outrage Culture to enter my timeline. Once it would have been easy to be Outraged, because there was a right answer and a wrong answer and never the twain would meet.

Life these days however is not so simple.

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It’s never been simple, of course, and seeing the world in grey-scale is, apart from being aesthetically far more pleasing, simplest means by which everything is rationalised. However, in the last few days, something important has altered in my brain. In it’s simplest form, the process works like this:

  1. Read contentious opinion on Twitter
  2. Allow myself to knee-jerk a reaction IN PRIVATE
  3. After doing so, DO SOMETHING ELSE not related to thing that was totally engrossing my mind at Step 2
  4. Completely forget about the contentious thing whilst doing summat I enjoy/gain personal satisfaction from or is useful for someone else’s benefit AND STOP THINKING ABOUT STEP TWO COMPLETELY
  5. Return to Twitter where contention continues, apparently unabated
  6. Give a reasonable opinion based on having had time to allow personal contention a chance to dissipate

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What’s changed since last week? Step 4 didn’t exist. I knew I was getting sad last week, that pressure from the last couple of months was not being properly dealt with. The answer normally would be to throw myself into some pettiness online, or get obsessed with the current Outrage du Jour but not any more. I’m done with allowing others the opportunity to sour my mood. This girl finally got a clue, has other was to fill her days.

It will also provide some important content for my writing blog, which is really what matters more going forward. Before that however I have to work out how to get my D Drive out of this machine and into the new one, whilst ensuring nothing important is lost during transit. I know there are tools for this, but that process always concerns me slightly until everything is working smoothly again…

I’ll appeal for luck when the time comes.