Tragedy

I didn’t write here yesterday. I need to explain why.

There is a lot of work that needs doing: physically, mentally, intellectually. Normally this would be a nightmare, but that would be the old me talking. The new me has a plan, timelines and precise objectives. It knows what is priority, and how long that will take. It also appreciates that to move forward; intractability is not an option.

Therefore, slowly but surely, the work is being done. We will get fourteen bits of exercise complete in the first seven days of June, just not as evenly as would have been liked, but that can be better organized next week. It means my major poetry project will be first drafted at the end of the day, to be edited next week. It also ensures that everything else, on the list, is written and completed when it is needed.

After that, there are consequences to deal with. This poetry’s disturbed a lot of silt at the bottom of the memory tank: we’ll need to look at what exactly has been unearthed, in time. There are other parts of my life that are quietly poking me, pointing out that they need to be addressed too. There’s still far too much sugar to be healthy.

However, if this is doable for the rest of the month and (all willing) any major disasters can be avoided? Wow, I wanna live like this more. Work gets done, I am happy with it and (crucially) there is creativity of the like I have not previously experienced. This is like writing the poems last year only 100 times more awesome. I am doing the best work possible, and that’s not even close to being hyperbole.

Next up, therefore, I’m launching a proper YouTube Channel, because apparently video is the future, or summat. I dunno, kids today with your Instagram lifestyles… which reminds me, that’s gotta be restarted at some point…

So much to do, always no time.

The Needle and the Damage Done

My husband thinks I’m too wordy. I need these words to explain what is wrong with me, how I feel and why there is a reaction in the manner that happens increasingly of late. Last night, for instance, what was easy last Sunday was a lifetime away. I managed 60k before giving blood, but the 55k afterwards was as far away from that in terms of confidence and comfort as it was probably possible to get. It doesn’t help that I’ve not been eating sensibly the last few days either and yes, throwing up at 3am is probably the least I deserved. My husband didn’t hear me because he has to sleep with earphones in to help overcome his tinnitus.

I think we should just mark down Saturday to the end of a long, bad dream.

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This morning, therefore I dragged my sorry body out of bed and went to a Retail park, because yes, people do buy stuff in places other than Amazon. I have enough cycling shorts to wear every day, which undoubtedly make the longer rides easier on the lower half of my body. I am back to eating sensibly, and low carb, and I’ll leave the weight in the scales as a reminder to myself that I can no longer pretend I’m a teenager and get away with it. If you want to be healthy, just expecting that to happen is frankly unrealistic. You have to do the work, even when you feel awful. In fact, those are the days when, undoubtedly, the real work ends up happening.

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Last night, I earned a new Fitbit badge. It all happened as a surprise too, but to know I have walked this far (even when some of it is riding…)

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This week, I’ll not make 110 miles, and it will be okay. Instead I’ll get on the bike tomorrow night, and start again. Today is for rest, work and reflection on how far I have come.

As long as I can keep doing, it’ll all work itself out.