Heaven is Paved with Broken Glass

You all know how mentally tough the last month’s been. We’re all out here, in the fields, wishing they were actual open spaces we could run around in with no fear of the consequences. On our walk yesterday there was a mum and dad with three toddlers, who just stood and watched as two hared around one green of the golf course, whilst the other happily made sandcastles with a bucket and spade in the bunker.

It wasn’t the children that drew my interest but the adults: neither was playing with their offspring. They just stood hand in hand, clearly utterly exhausted, watching as there was no need to intervene. The human cost for everybody is becoming more apparent with each passing day. It makes me massively, stupendously grateful for a family who are capable of not only supporting themselves, but also me.

Now, more than ever before, solid backup is what matters.


What matters most is talking about issues, making sure problems don’t fester, finding the means by which you can remain mentally resilient. For me, amazingly, that involves getting on a static bike with my husband once a day and learning how to ride again. Also, because you can’t take the game out of the gamer, there’s an in-game achievement that’s currently being worked towards…


A ‘lap’ is defined as one of the countless specific courses within a number of locations: today, for instance, I can cycle round a customised version of Central Park, which pleases me greatly having done that for real in the US when on holiday. There’s also an element of danger here because there is no memory of when this was started: whatever happens, I’ll be on the bike every day until it is completed, which is no bad thing…


This is great for the exercise lover in me because it ensures, without fail, cardio’s being covered. That then leaves me to ensure upper body and core are being kept on a comparable path, which is proving to be far easier than was at first anticipated. There doesn’t need to be any flexing either about the effort being thrown into this: I won’t make 500 MEPS for the belt challenge by tonight. It’s not a problem. I took part, and am sitting reassuringly mid-table in a field of 10,000 others.

The guy in First has done nothing else in the last four days but exercise.


Having established that there are certain things I desire more than others, and physically exhausting myself is definitely NOT one of them, it’s quite easy to let other people do that without issue. I’m looking for solid support in uncertain times, and that involves a complex set of variables being kept in harmony. Other people can do the outstanding work in fitness. I want to help people’s brains get through this above their bodies.

That seems a far more sensible use of my particular skill set.

Beautiful Noise

That first cuppa was SUBLIME. Lemme just get a second one before I continue.

This is the day when it is okay to wake up at 6.45am and roll over and then back to sleep. There’s no concern about being late for anything, because races happen on Sundays. It is when breakfast tastes better, tea is undoubtedly 100% more appreciated, and I’m able to set an agenda without the worry it will be interrupted by anything untoward. Of course, stress does happen on the weekend, but it is of a different colour and taste to the weekly concerns.

There hasn’t been a really black mood now since the start of the year. That’s six months of me using my own tough love to pull everything out of the hole and avoid the edges wherever possible. Occasionally there’s a walk too close to unstable ground and the shift of dirt beneath, but instead of running into thin air, FINALLY, the other way’s more attractive. Yes, there are the moments of ‘I’m not good enough’ and ‘OMG how do I do this’ but the coping strategies kick in without fuss. That’s the key: no fuss. The rest of the World doesn’t need to worry about any of this. I have it covered.

Today I’ll be out in the Garden, in the Gym and at a keyboard. It is already a glorious day to be alive.