Bonus second blog. Again, I could leave this until Monday, but actually it needs to be out of my brain so there’s a focus on written work that isn’t navel gazing.

If an individual thinks another person has the potential to render them obsolete, or gain more success than them, or eclipse their place in an established hierarchy, what should they do?

This kind of question comes up all the time in myriad forms all across social media: the person who’s soaking up all the oxygen in your friends circle. The new recruit on the forums who suddenly becomes flavour of the month. The colleague at work who’s just better than you are, and you can’t take it. It’s jealousy or greed in biblical terms. If you live in a world where success is measured on a follower count, this person is a problem. You need to be like them, but not help them as they do the same.

I’ve seen the self-help blogs, means by which you support someone whilst simultaneously facilitating your own ends. Now, let’s change a few words in that sentence.

If a woman thinks a man has the potential to render them obsolete, or gain more success than them, or eclipse their place in an established hierarchy, what should she  do?

Look at the current British PM as an example of this. They’re doing the job nobody wants, and no-one can agree on. Everybody who doesn’t think she’s an abject failure’s just supporting her until she gets the blame and is (undoubtedly) summarily replaced. Is the fact she’s a woman relevant? Nope, not in the slightest… she’s just gets on with the job. It doesn’t matter how bad or otherwise that ends up, history will recall that our second British Female PM was as hated/loved as the first one, and for vastly different reasons. In this case, sex is not the issue.

If you’re high enough up the hierarchy, your gender is largely irrelevant. Discuss.

Now, reverse the roles:

If a man thinks another woman has the potential to render them obsolete, or gain more success than them, or eclipse their place in an established hierarchy, what should he do?

This is why #MeToo exists. This is why there has to be an International Woman’s Day, despite what people like me think to the contrary. When the situation is as such that the dominant force in any society has unrestricted power over others, that’s just wrong. Toxic masculinity subjugates others, using them for their own ends. If the majority of sexual alignments are man/woman, everybody who doesn’t fit that alignment suffers. If only one in three people profess mental health issues, that means 33% of the population is broken but it’s not necessarily the task for the other 66% to care…

Definitions are everything. The labels we use matter far more than most people ever truly grasp. Being Different has never been so fraught with danger or potential risk. Everybody has their ways to self-care, and society keeps telling us how important the self is in order to succeed, to live or to heal… but what it increasingly fails to grasp is that all the signals are wrong. We tell our children to dream big, that money is the true measure of success, that fame equals reward. It so utterly isn’t the case.

If anyone thinks anybody else has the potential to render them obsolete, or gain more success than them, or eclipse their place in an established hierarchy, what should they do?

They need to understand that the greatest joy you will ever find comes with satisfaction that you are enough. Everything else is a lie. All the money in the world does not equate to happiness. Those ten rules the Bible and other sacred texts laid down to help the emergent strands of humanity cope with their situations were there for a reason. Human beings need guidance, because without that we really all are chaotic, destructive beings without focus or direction.

The truth, enlightenment, your epiphany is different for every person. Until money can buy you eternal life, it is useless and pointless, and that’s probably the hardest thing I ever had to grasp as an adult. Everybody gets one go, that’s it. Born, live, die. You don’t remember either end, so why waste any of the middle…? The only true means of living after death is to be remembered in the deeds you did, the love you generated and the lives you changed.

Maybe the problem right now is that we’re all being distracted by petty arguments when what matters most is rediscovering our true humanity.