Higher State of Consciousness

It’s been a while since I was challenged online. As a result, this is the note that’s now being left to remind me that when that happens again, here’s how you sleep at night, safe in the knowledge that you were perfectly justified to do what was done.

It isn’t just STEM where this happens, and (ironically) it isn’t just men who reply. Potentially everybody has the ability to be a twat when presented with Social media. Last night, I was Pedanted.

Sticking anything online immediately holds you up for criticism, and increasingly that will have nothing to do with what’s been written, and more to do with why you bothered to do so in public. This would place my commenter very much in the ‘they mean well’ area of Reply Guys, right up until the point they came to look at my profile page, noticed I’d registered my displeasure at their initial comment with the above Tweet, and then proceeded to quote that straight back at me.

Hmm, where have I seen this before?

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Looking at it in the cold light of day, if I’d have just been happy someone spoke to me online and not objected to the fact the person didn’t care about my work but was a pedant… we could be following each other by now. Instead, I scored my first legitimate block on the work account, and was rather disappointed that my clearly quite intelligent adversary decided to run away without a decent tussle.

However, when going to look at their account this morning, and having spent time reading their last few weeks worth of output, I feel this was absolutely the best outcome for everybody. What, you don’t go and do that before you follow someone? Really? It is why #FF (Follower Friday) on Twitter used to fill me with such dread… it still does. Throwing out a bunch of people just on the say-so of one person in your feed is all very well if all that matters are the numbers, but if you care about learning from interaction…?

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Motivation is not just about eating well and pushing exercise. It is the means by which I maintain sanity and sanctity online. That requires, on certain days, a level of patience that would elevate most normal people to sainthood. If your task is to reach out to total strangers and attempt to start an argument, one should not be surprised when that’s exactly what happens. If you express an opinion and someone disagrees, you should not then automatically counter with a defensive stance.

I expressed initial displeasure that my combatant chose to focus on semantics and not on the point of the post, which (on reflection) was clearly my downfall. However, if the person had wanted to discuss the actual post, they could have done. The choice here was to pick a hole in my reason for posting. In that regard, they went about trying to start a dialogue with me in completely the wrong way. The result, inevitably, was stalemate. The cosmic ballet of Internet Interaction continues unabated.

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Some people might wonder why I do this to myself, continually pick apart interactions that most normal people would just dismiss and move on from. I’m not normal. This is what I need to do to remain sane, helping an overactive brain cope with the issues that present themselves on a daily basis. Now it’s unpacked and understood, I can move on, and this post is marked as reminder that when this happens again (and it will) as long as you’re polite, pleasant and make your point, that’s all that can be done.

Motivation isn’t just about accentuating the positives.

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Day 8: If it’s Tuesday, it must be an AM Gym trip.

This felt VERY hard. Yellow is ACTUAL hard. This demonstrates a brain/body disparity situation that will have increasingly less to do with blood loss and more with me being lazy. First Blaze class is on Thursday. We’ll see how hard body can function then.

Not gonna lie, already a bit nervous.


Plans are afoot to reorganise the Work Twitter a bit today. After promising myself a re-edit of the Bondfic (and having to go find the means of converting a .PDF into summat editable without having to donate a kidney to Adobe) Duet is my relaxation project back on the roster. It’s Fanfic, I can do what I like with it, and a lot has changed in my writing ability in the last few years. It will be better, but not at the expense of ACTUAL WORK.

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He’s right, you know.


The poetry being produced for the next deadline has already made me cry once. I’m going back to it shortly. Probably ought to have a cuppa standing by…

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

DAY 13: Experiences are GREAT. Getting out there, doing new stuff, enjoying all that Life’s ‘rich tapestry’ lays before you. Never turn down those never to be repeated offers, that’s for damn sure. However, for some of us, there are limits. I’m at peak mental capacity right now, and all that’s happened is words on a screen. It’ll improve once this poetry’s edited and Submitted, allowing a brief respite before The Next Thing arrives to prevent anything new barging into view.

I’ve realised, probably for the first time properly enough to write it down, that My Best Life is not stacked full of variety. In fact, the more change you shove into it, the worse brain becomes at coping. This is, of course, autism writ large. Can it be altered? That’s a very good question, and one that 2019 will help solve. For now, the biggest single obstacle to MBL (which sounds like some financial institution) is my brain.

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To tackle this in sensible, bite-sized chunks is clearly the answer going forward. My PT’s off for two weeks radio silence (very well deserved) and whilst she is away I have a plan. It is simple, and requires no real mental effort: get stronger. There’s leg days (cycling) and arm days (push up/pull up super sets plus hanging and other gubbins) plus core days (using a TRX unit) all to be done. The only fly in this ointment is that I give blood on Monday, which will reduce effective output for the first week.

However, with Huel as breakfast going forward, and today being Day One of Sugar Free January? This is all doable. Of course it is. The only issue is my ability to push.

The biggest enemy is myself.

Lies My Parents Told Me

Yesterday, probably for the first time in over a decade, I possessed the means by which my life could be improved without support. After a while all the good words, encouragement and therapy in the world is not a substitute for just getting up, looking at a problem and (however tired you might happen to be) then solving it. Sitting here now, having been up for an hour and a bit, it is apparent that the real business of living somehow got diverted through distraction and panic. Not having confidence in yourself’s a terrible thing, but pretending that’s the case is a worse crime.

Time to have a wash, clean teeth, and set to the issues at hand.

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Stopping NaNoWriMo’s absolutely the best thing that was done in the week. I don’t want to think right now about anything except rearranging my life, and that is not something that can be done over a damp November weekend. As this is long-term alteration, it’ll take a fair while, but the starting signs are very encouraging. The new phone (and liberation from iTunes/Mac tyranny) is already encouraging. However, I need to find a new home for my music, plus new interface that is acceptable.

Then there is planning what happens next: using Google as file management, clearing out old photos, rearranging music locations… and the list goes on. Most people, undoubtedly, would consider this a bit depressing and pointless, that life can be better served not worrying about such stuff. However, I need to know how it works, where everything lies, and how one is able to organise it all. That’s meat and drink to this brain. If I know how to do it, then it can be taught to others…

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Right then, better get started.

Dead Calm

RIP my Mac Mini, late year model which, after many, MANY hours of sterling service has become a rather lovely paperweight or table stand. Fortunately, there’s a replacement on the way with everything backed up. I’ve also bitten the bullet and factory reset my phone, which reminded me it is high time I sorted life out and dumped it for good. Therefore, after some faffing, I have a Huawei Mate 20 Pro coming from my mobile  provider which is currently cheaper than my current contract.

The photographer in me will finally have a decent camera to play with.

Also, today was the day when none of the actual work I wanted to do was completed but a whole lot of other stuff was settled. It’s a fairly massive plan, which is gonna be done on as little money as possible. The final upside is that I can design my own custom-made desk. It will double my storage space here, and finally allow the background required to start doing video diaries. That’s the long term plan, but to get there first is a lot of other work.

The point however is, that after a decade, I am finally moving on from the period of my life that almost killed me.

Return to Sender

This week, things return to normal, despite the fact school does not start until a week on Thursday. I need to be back on the creation trail after time away, and there is a lot to do on that front which is already in the planning. More importantly, there will be a slew of poetry rejections next month, and that work will need to be assessed and used in a constructive fashion.

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More importantly, there are lots of projects that need to stop being dreams and become reality as we move into the Autumn.

BRB, re-organising my life.

The Fix

I already have redundancies in place to ensure this week’s efforts do not go to waste, because finally, after months of planning, everything is coming good at once. It will mean however, you’ll simply get scheduled work this week.

Everything gets back to normal once we hit September.

Thank you for your understanding.