Yesterday

Been a funny old week, Brian. In fact, I’m not really sure were I should begin.

I announced this to Twitter via a series of GIFs on Saturday¬†but I suspect there’s going to be a quite serious diversification of interest going forward. There’s a lot to write about too, and I’m keen not to price myself out of any potential market¬†as a result. More importantly, as I keep applying for jobs, there’s gonna be a point when I start writing about actual work¬†and as this may not include gaming as part of the remit? Well, I should be honest. I still love the faff side of my life, but it might be time to be a bit more serious for a while. In good news, I suspect the people that matter will be sticking around regardless, which is great.

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I have a new Hard Bastid Exercise Plan up on the wall. I managed another two sessions of stupid exercise last week, plus I upped my step count, but there’s still a lot more that can be done. It is 23 days in and I’ve slipped up twice since I started on sugar removal. Once we get to the end of the month I will allow myself the occasional flapjack and the odd spoonful of honey here and there in tea but until I’m back to target weight? No indulgence, that’s the rule. I really need to earn my cake this time around.¬†I’d love to say my weight’s shot down but no, it is a gradual and almost frustratingly slow process, but I only need to look at myself in profile to know that my waistline has¬†reappeared with some force. Yes, it is working and no, I cannot get it done by tomorrow.

However, it might happen faster than I’d hoped, so there’s a bonus.

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This is week 4 of the year, for those of you paying attention. I’m behind on a few things, and this week the plan is to write more novel. I’m not going back to the start again as I always seem to do, but with a break in tradition, and for sanity’s sake, I’m gonna start again where I stopped and see how far I get. There’s about another 40k’s worth of plot that needs to be down on paper before I attempt the process of editing again, and I want that set in stone sooner rather than later. If I get bored, there’s a draft letter to Peter Sellers that needs finishing (as it never got done last week because I applied for a job) and a piece of erotica around aubergines that I can poke at. It’s not like I’ve got nothing to do.

On that note: I won’t bore you with every application that fails. I expect there will be a lot of them. Right now I have one extra job which looked brilliant on paper, but in reality is pretty much a millstone already. That’s why I’ll be applying for summat better as a matter of priority so I can disengage myself from what I have and move forward. This is the aim, ultimately, to just keep shifting upwards until I’m in a position to be happy. I have no doubts this is going to be a balls-achingly long and painful process, but as I don’t have gonads to worry about? BRING ON THE PAIN. I’m ready, willing, and more than capable of busting the ass off¬†anything in my path.

Now I have the impetus? Nothing is gonna stop me.

Voodoo People

Today, I live streamed a video game to Facebook. As this is a sentence I never thought I would ever type in my adult lifetime, it probably deserves some explanation.

My PC is not old, but it’s hardly bleeding edge technology. It also refuses point blank to play with Windows 10, which I suspect may have something to do with the rather Heath Robinson manner of its construction. I’ve tried and failed on so many occasions to get Twitch to operate with it, and recording to video and editing is a process that I have neither time or patience to entertain. When Facebook Live was announced to work with World of Warcraft, I determined this was probably my best bet for giving streaming a try, because it did not involve real money to upgrade anything or any more technical knowledge than simply a few clicks of a mouse. However, the main reason I’m using a platform I detest is that, like it or not, I can ultimately¬†control EXACTLY who watches, and that’s not possible anywhere else on the Internet.

This is my project, and my rules.
 

 
It’s not an attempt to be popular or special, or become an Internet celebrity (at peak, EIGHT PEOPLE WATCHED ME) it is just a way to chat for an hour a week to people and add content to my arsenal. It works well in lieu of Podcasting. It allows people to see how I play in game and what matters to me. Mostly, I can fuck about and enjoy myself and record this to become a history of what I’ve done. If it works with this platform I can use Facebook Live to do video diaries for other stuff. In the end, it shows willing to give a bit more of myself than I have before.

Mostly, it is rather enjoyable.

If I keep getting people interested? I’ll keep doing it.

Learning to Breathe :: The First Mile

I’ve not said anything about this, but on Monday I hit the first major milestone in my new goal: running distance.

It had always been my PT’s intention to get me to do 1k as part of my ‘training’ this week, and I knew I had the potential inside, but having had an asthma attack on Sunday after stressing myself out? Brain was already trying to stop me before I began, and I was nervous. My PT hooked me up with her own heart rate monitor so she could check I was okay, and I began the run reasonably confident until I hit 600 meters and just wanted to stop. Then an important connection got made in my brain: I could keep failing forever, and really it wouldn’t matter.¬†Nobody dies if I don’t do this, nothing bad or wrong transpires. I just don’t push myself out of a comfort zone and move forward.¬†What made me finish the last 400 meters wasn’t my own desire to complete the task, but the realisation I’d let my PT down.¬†She knew I was capable, but that panic was setting in. Once the understanding became apparent? It was done. I did it.

I can run 1000m in seven minutes and fifty seconds.

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The biggest problem I have now is my feet, which are suffering more than any other part of my body and I think this means I’ll be trying to pick up some better cushioned footwear as a matter of urgency. That’s not a problem on a treadmill, by the way, but for the extra miles I’m sticking in on the pavements: I did another 4.7 miles today to and from school and the last mile and a half was painful, especially for ankles. However, the changes to my body are now inescapable, and I’m beyond happy. In fact, I don’t think there would have been a point in my entire life where I’d have gone out simply wearing a sports vest top with support on the upper half of my body and nothing else. It is so hot here today I still sweated buckets, but this is an all-time high for body confidence.

That alone makes those last 400 metres worthwhile, because an important threshold has been crossed.

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I’m also managing to maintain the attack on domestic chores, the removal of unwanted crap and getting everybody else in the house to help out more, and the results are beyond satisfying. WHO KNEW that if you showed willing, people would help you?¬†The downside to this however is where before I’d spend time talking to people and ‘online’ or via social media, there is no longer this luxury and inevitably,¬†I sense some people have felt as if they’re being left out. Again, this boils down to the definition of friendship and how you conduct yourself in the Modern World. The people that matter I’ll always have time for, but I won’t allow negativity to bring me down as it has so often in the past. I can’t afford to go backwards at what is, at least for me, a very crucial stage of my journey. If people want to be a part of this that’s brilliant, but to make it work there will have to be give and take. Inevitably, I realise, there will be casualties. I just hope that in the end everyone can be happy for me,¬†but if they want to be with me? This is the path.

Get some good running shoes and come make the journey with me.

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I realise this first kilometre¬†is significant, but what will matter more is when I¬†go to the Gym tomorrow and do it again, and the one after that and when I stop thinking about them as benchmarks and simply numbers, then we will have made progress.¬†For now, like everything else, this is a line in the sand. I need to learn to do less moving with upper body to not stress out my chest muscles. My stride needs to be lighter and less compressed. There is a lot of technique to learn and yet none of that matters if I can’t keep doing that benchmark until it becomes routine. I’m going to buy my PT a gift and when I see her next it will be presented with a Thank You card to make sure she understands just how grateful I am she was there, and that finally I stopped being scared of myself and¬†made actual proper progress.

That alone makes Monday’s achievement that much more special.

Seeing Things

I’ll be honest with you, I don’t like doing things by halves. Most definitely, I am an all or nothing girl. I totally grasp the notion of devotion too: the number of times I’ve fallen in love with people/ideas/inanimate objects and never had it reciprocated? Too many to count.¬†When you play fast and loose with emotional favours, after a while you begin to grasp this sort of odd objectivity at how the process works. Allowing yourself to totally embrace someone or something is great, as long as you can see the entire thing being presented. In the case of rock star devotion (as a decent example) it is very easy just to be seduced by¬†the onstage presence of your idol and not understand anything about the person behind the ‘image.’ If that person’s a total twat in reality? It is probably wise you don’t know a lot of the other stuff, but being blinded by almost total devotion to the person won’t ever end well.

Undoubtedly you’ll end up with your heart broken.

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I’m writing a set of essays for the fiction¬†site, and as I try and get the first one completed, the¬†subject of the inaugural¬†letter keeps taunting me, not unlike his GIF above. You see, my idea of ‘devotion’ has altered quite a lot since my teens, and I can’t help but think that¬†I’ve done myself a massive disservice in the last few years in how I subconsciously ‘attach’ myself to the idea of certain people’s personas. Having written two pieces of fiction with Bond at their centre, I’ve now come to the conclusion I fell in love with the character first.¬†It has been the ability of the leading actors to maintain that attraction over the years that matters far more than the individuals¬†themselves, and that revelation came as something of a surprise. I understand now that the visuals presented and the character portrayed are very different constructs, when it comes to forming the notion of devotion with both. Daniel Craig’s the first Bond I’ve actually considered as an actor BEFORE the character, and I think it is a measure to his ability and application to profession¬†that there’s a redefinition in my mind of how this entire process works.

That’s no mean feat, and grants considerable kudos in my mind to the man himself.

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When you start subconsciously associating actors with roles, it does the individual a massive disservice, it occurs to me. That means that however varied and brilliant a career that person has, all anyone ever remembers on their passing is the most popular role. Even if this¬†is at odds with what they really were away from the cameras, that becomes¬†their epitaph.¬†‘They were probably best known as X in the production of Y’ might be great for your five minutes of fame in the blip of Human existence, but¬†in the end living the life they had well should probably matter more, plus not just what happened in front of the camera. Here’s where things get really interesting from a writing point of view, that so many of the familiar faces and names of the last 100 years weren’t paragons of virtue, bore little or no resemblance to the characters that they became synonymous with. Yet still people don’t see past the image in their own minds. These people remain¬†heroes, despite that being a long way from the truth.

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Then you get wildcards: the ex-addicts, reformed alcoholics¬†and those who struggle with mental illness.¬†Everybody loves a second chance, can use the lessons of their own lives and apply them to heroes they see on screen. The actress who yo-yos between fat and thin. The Woman who divorces her husband with grace, or strings him by the balls for being unfaithful. Magazines are full of gossip and salacious titbits from the rich and famous to allow us as mere mortal a chance to compare and contrast. All of this devotion to¬†other’s fallibility teaches us the merit of thought and application in our own lives. Forgiveness matters too, yet few people grasp the significance of the emotion. How long is appropriate penance for the lover scorned? If you fall off the wagon, was it simply inevitable? If you’re a sexist, misogynist dinosaur does the birth of a daughter really alter your¬†entire world view?

Sometimes, questions will never be answered when your heroes need to remain just that.

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The one thing I’ve learnt, and that is consistently apparent in whatever sphere I happen to be hanging in at any given point? People have very short memories.¬†If something’s hugely popular, you’ll be back on the bandwagon whilst conveniently forgetting the reason why you jumped off. That’s fine, and as long as you’re lining the pockets of the people making the product, they don’t care either, whether that be movies, TV or gaming. Except eventually comes a realisation that if you want to make product with the widest possible scope and remit, you can’t have narrow minded, sexist and diversity-unfriendly heroes as your spokespeople. The way forward is with those who are prepared to embrace the fact they’re not actually the heroes either, that this is just a part being played and a job to be done. What you need isn’t personalities, but an ethos, and if you cannot change with the times? You’re in trouble.¬†I suspect that’s why there won’t be a Bond 25 announcement this year because Eon Productions realise just how important Daniel Craig has become to the franchise’s evolution. Without a clear successor on the table either, maybe there’s more than just a male lead character to worry about going forward.

Devotion sometimes is the last thing you need to inspire in your fan base.

What Lies Beneath

I’ve made it to Saturday with the understanding that I’d managed to complete my weekly step goal¬†by Thursday¬†:D

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I will freely admit that yesterday had been scheduled as Gym time but instead I slacked, quite a lot. I’ve slept better in the last few days than has probably been the case in the last three months. It is comprehensively proven that intense physical exercise wears me out, and in the best of ways. What needs to happen next week is to get to Friday without losing the plot, and hopefully the strength I’m building in legs will assist that. The other thing I need to work on is eating well, which has been a bit all over the place. However, the overall trend was less in and better¬†and as a result, weight has dropped again. Not by much, mind, but it is¬†a start.

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The plan this month was to see what I’d be capable of, wrapped around the normal run of daily life. As it transpires, I’m not that far behind, stuff is getting done, and I’m confident I’m capable of stepping up the pace. This *hopefully* means I’ll be able to crack the 1k running barrier on Monday with my Trainer. I certainly feel more capable of pushing myself, that my posture and mental approach are on the money, but the only way I’ll know for sure is when I get to the¬†morning’s session. However, mentally I am still tired, so much to that typing this is a struggle to concentrate. I can see an extended lie-in tomorrow in my future.

I tell you what though, I am REALLY looking forward to my Sports Massage on Thursday.

Sunrise

It occurred to me, driving back from dropping off my daughter at her first day of ‘Big’ School, there’s potentially seven years of this ahead of me.¬†There’s not an ounce of concern or resentment in my body: I’ll run her anywhere, as I would her brother, and the time it takes will enrich my life going forward. There’s never any thought that the time spent with them isn’t anything other than precious and worth remembering. It makes me realise that although I’ve not wasted a lot of time in the last decade pursuing goals that ended up as being fruitless, there have been moments when I could have picked my directions better. However, the last year has more than made up for my previous shortcomings. I can comfortably attest that my body’s being well taken care of.

Now all I need to work on is my soul.

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New York will go a long way towards assuaging that issue, and should last for¬†some time to come. It wasn’t just the notion of being in a place that I loved, but it had a lot to do with being able to deal with everything truly on my own terms. I am extremely lucky in my current situation, a fact I make sure to remind myself of every single day. This is a finite resource as well, that is all too apparent, and once it is gone, there will be no time like it again. Bearing that in mind, the choices I make in the next few months going forward will be significant, and I need to ensure that the direction I’m travelling is no longer littered with good intentions that aren’t acted on. That’s why I have plans in place for the next six weeks or so, none of which will include anything that’s hugely impractical. Even starting the running challenge yesterday was done slowly and in pieces. There’s no point in breaking myself at the start and then putting everything back weeks or months.

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There’s an awful lot to think about in the weeks going forward. The priority now is to make sure I’m using my time productively and not simply procrastination, which is often my default. That means a lot of words too, if I can get my brain around everything that needs saying. I also suspect it will involve some visits back to my past, if only to try and work out what parts of those experiences I’d like to bring with me. I’d also like to be able to eat without worrying so much, and to make that happen it might be time to bite the bullet and start cooking more from scratch and less from a packet.¬†For now however, I’m counting the time before I have to go get the youngest from school, so I can work out relative journey times. I’ve already found my Car Park for Tuesday’s ‘Walk to and from School’ project, which I’m already looking forward to. I’ve go a plan for what’s the best route, a shopping stop along the way for Breakfast, and a reward when I’ve done both directions. I’m very much already anticipating¬†completing this, and taking pictures as I go.

How things have changed in a year.

 

Running Scared

Those of you paying attention will notice a new page has appeared in my menu bar, and that there’s two new writing projects on the table under ‘Non Fiction’ in the Work in Progress area. I’ve never really considered working on projects outside the comfort zone of gaming before, and whilst you’ll see everyone and his bro opening up their gaming portal or starting a You Tube channel dedicated to some aspect of gaming or geek culture? I realised over the summer my underlying strength is the words, not the pixels. I may really love playing this stuff, but I now enjoy writing more, and that’s what is guiding my thinking going forward.

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‘Learning to Breathe’¬†will, I hope, help anyone who’s looked at the road to physical fitness and been unable to feel confident they can make it. It won’t just detail where I am with my own journey but is now going to cover the process I’ve begun, to learn to run successfully as an asthmatic. I know that a lot of my issues have nothing to do with my own level of fitness and everything to do with the voice in my head that says I’m not capable. I make no bones over the intensely personal nature of the journey either, but what I am now, like it or not, is tied into my level of physical fitness. I hope to make strides everywhere (no pun intended) and all the relevant posts will be stuck in a dedicated area for your perusing pleasure.

‘Letters to My Heroes’ isn’t as straightforward as it sounds, and you’ll find that on the dedicated writing site. I have, in my head, at least a basic list of those people, living and dead, who I’d like to ‘talk’ to as time goes on, to explain why they ended up positively impacting my life over the last 50 years. I’m sure some of you can guess the identities of a few of the early recipients, but when I start thinking about the business of heroism… well, there’s a lot here to cover and not simply the initial planned first set of twelve¬†letters. I’m not trying to sound mysterious, but there are reasons, and they will be revealed as time goes on.

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I still want to spend a bit of time documenting my t-shirt collection, and that’s gonna appear under the ‘Favourite Shirts’ banner as I get around to pulling together pictures. At some point I’d also like to review all 24 Bond films too… and as I sense there may be a Bond 25 announcement on the cards sooner rather than later? It’s all content for the future.¬†

For now, there’s plenty planned, and I hope I can cover it all.

Change

Often, a blog of this type¬†will start its existence with a story. It might be the moment someone decided to change their life, or they began something existence¬†altering¬†or affirming. For some of us, life doesn’t work like this.¬†For people like me, every day is just a step, the way forward, chance to discover more about myself in the process of existence. I’ve often wondered if the epiphany metaphor is overused, or if some people¬†just spend their lives never experiencing the¬†bolt of inspiration from above as the entire Universe suddenly shifts on its axis. I can say I’ve had amazing thoughts or I’ve come to significant conclusions but at no point did I ever feel the need to drop everything and just go another way. That’s just not how¬†this works.

At least, it wasn’t.

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Then, one day, I stopped menstruating. Now I look back on what preceded this event, with amazement it is abundantly apparent that the end¬†had been on the cards for far longer than I’d initially realised. With the benefit of hindsight, a lot of shit suddenly made sense.¬†Now I live in a world where hormonal surges¬†no longer dictate actions: once upon a time it would be PMS, and when that added to my depression, things would sometimes become¬†very black indeed. Now, amazingly, my life has altered in a manner I didn’t think would be possible a year ago. It is almost as if there was a light that switched on, sudden inspiration to push myself away from the person who just survived to the individual now who wants to start to be more. Without the hormonal issues, I’m suddenly more liberated than I ever thought would be possible.

However it is so much more than simply one moment of change.

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The alterations I have made, starting after the holiday to the West coast of the US in 2015, hinged around a very real¬†need to be physically stronger than I was at the time to survive. It has been a year, and I can confidently attest that on that front, there has been significant progress made. Weight loss used to be the reason I’d¬†exercise, now exercise has become the catalyst for so much more¬†. I stopped being about the petty and the details and finally embraced a completely different outlook, and when my periods stopped earlier this year, a whole level of worry simply¬†vanished. It is only then I¬†grasped that if I’m not dictated to but direct physical change, maybe the same can be true of everything else.¬†The key however is a vital and small sliver of understanding that happened somewhere between 2015 and here.

It all revolves around being different, yet wanting to be the same.

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I’ve known I was different since I was a kid, but only now am I able to tell you why.¬†It’s not just a simple descriptor either, there’s a lot wrapped up in the understandings I’ve come to in the last few years. Knowing you are different, it occurs to me is only helpful if you wish to use the knowledge in a particular way:¬†perhaps you hope it will help people better understand what you are, or why you have been the way you have for so long. Certainly for key medical or psychological conditions, that’s probably the case. However, if you conclude that you don’t want anything to change except yourself because of what you now understand to be your situation?¬†That’s gonna be¬†interesting.¬†My family already know how to deal with the exception. What I’ve never really considered is how that goes the other way.¬†

How do I deal with different, to make it better?

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Today, I gave it a try. In two (potentially) contentious situations with family, I threw away the rules. Instead of the normal approaches, I went another way, and in both cases, things went far better than I could have anticipated. Of course, everyone else will be calling this a triumph for them making me alter my intractable, inflexible ways, and they might well be right, but in my head there’s a re-connection of neurons that’s only been possible after I found discipline and focus via exercise. The peace that routine has instilled allowed me the opportunity to approach parts of my psyche without fear for the first time, and come to conclusions I’m betting other people have been making for years, but because they loved me they just let it pass. In the end, it’s not a bolt of lightning or a massive epiphany, it’s just time and effort finding a way. Except some things won’t change: not because I’m unbending or inflexible, but because I don’t feel the same way I did any more.

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Some will tell you the only way to find salvation is to forgive and find love in your heart for those who before you hated. This is a lie. You find salvation by accepting truths, and moving on. That means I won’t start loving people again I stopped loving before, regardless of their relationship to me. That’s absolutely fine too. No problems with this at all, and life will continue regardless. The difference is I can be polite and respectful now, whereas before I’d be other emotions. That’s all gone, and the hormones make all that trauma so much easier to cope with.

If¬†someone asks you what you’d change about yourself give the chance, normally you’ll think of something that could use improvement. I’m currently altering just about every attitude I have, in a slow and systematic fashion, and I think I’d like to keep doing this until my last day on Earth. It’s not about opening my heart either: that’s never been shut for business and continues to be broken and brilliant by turns. I’ve lied a lot over the years using words but now I just want the truth to be out there, because in the end it is far easier than living a lie. I did that, and it won’t happen again. If I don’t want to let people know stuff? I just don’t write it down.

Everything else however is fair game.

In Dreams

Yesterday, I had my first sports massage for about three weeks. My back and shoulders were a mess after two flights and ten days in a hard, uncomfortable bed. My masseuse, who is tiny and stunning, is a veritable miracle worker and as thanks for her efforts pre-holiday I bought her a gift back from the US. I wasn’t expecting the reaction it got, that she was genuinely pleased and hugged me with an enthusiasm that was a surprise. The woman¬†then proceeded to do absolute wonders and I walked out feeling about half a stone lighter, after which I slept uninterrupted for eight hours. It’s odd, the notion of reward versus effort, that sometimes the smallest thing can mean the most to someone unexpected.

It was the same when my trainer saw me on Monday and remarked how much thinner I looked. My husband made the comment that maybe she has a vested interest in keeping me ‘sweet’ and might be over-inflating my progress, but¬†I know this is not the case. I have made decent progress, areas of fat are beginning to shrink, and cellulite/stretch marks are becoming far less¬†pronounced than they ever were. I’m not too fussed about the details¬†of the physical change, and once I get to target weight I’ll worry about aesthetics.I understand how things have improved, and that the areas I want to shrink fastest will probably be the last places to go. I’m also aware of just how hard I’m working.

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Being told I’m doing well is great, but I don’t need the carrots any more. My life now has altered so fundamentally that I cannot actually see a position where I’d return to being the person who would rather sit than stand, or drive instead of walk. Given the chance, I’m now always going to default to exercise. I’ll admit I do like my lie ins still, but not at the expense of bad mental health. I’ve also reconciled the understanding that it is never a given to expect a compliment for work done, or if I beat/write summat that’s accepted as ‘good.’ I know how much of the output I create that is decent, consistent and of a good standard. Occasionally, I will hit brilliant, and when that happens I know about it long before anyone else mentions it: not because I’m some kind of narcissist. I just get now what is good for me and what isn’t.

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Perfection is so horribly subjective to begin with that often being told you’re great isn’t actually a true indicator of attainment. I’ve had people overly compliment as a means to draw attention, and I see it happen more and more in social media circles where people are clearly desperate to not offend. I’d love honesty, every time:¬†fortunately the people I count as friends are getting quite proficient at telling me the truth. If it sucks, I get the feedback. What this means is that often I forget what a powerful motivator the random compliment can be, and I’m now actively attempting to give them whenever I think it would be appropriate. This is quite hard work for me. Anyone who can do this well, naturally and with any measure of conviction? You’re a hero.

Making a compliment sound genuine and sincere is a skill I need a lot of work at grasping.

Pray

Now I have committed myself to a path where writing is more important than it has been before, I have to find a way to fit that into my life. Right now that’s simple, because the kids are on holiday and nobody else really needs to stress about organisation, stuff just happens eventually.¬†A week today the youngest returns to school, son the following Monday, and after that I will have a schedule to fit around. That will start with a 7.45 am commute to school and a 3.30pm pickup, meaning I will lose a significant portion of my day to roads. I’m already half thinking about parking my car at the youngest’s school at least twice a week and walking to and from there to give me exercise. It’s a six mile one way trip, which is more than possible on my current level of fitness: 12 miles a day is equivalent to about 24k steps, which is easily manageable.

I’ll still have PT once a week, plus two additional Gym trips, and shoving an extra 24 miles into that should really not be a push. The killer, of course, will be time ‘wasted’ whilst walking, and so I’ll need to put that to good use. My husband’s been pushing me for a long time to listen to more than music on my iPod, and so I will be investing in some audio books plus podcasts to listen to on the journey. I’ve also wanted to start appreciating¬†Ian McMillan’s ‘The Verb’ Series on Radio Three, and hope that the BBC iPlayer App will allow this to happen. What it will mean is more planning to maintain a seamless transition from one schedule to another, but if I can spend time walking and keeping fit whilst avoiding the amount of time I spend in a car? So much the better.

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That means, all things being equal, it will work like this:

MON: PT
TUE: Walk
WED: GYM
THU: Walk
FRI: Rest
SAT: GYM
SUN: Rest

I will need to factor in more rest, too, especially as there’ll be earlier starts and I do NOT function well under limited sleep. I’ve already filled a Moleskine notebook across the Summer with ideas and plans, and I’m genuinely exited going forward as to what I can and will be able to achieve. What I want to avoid, more than anything else, is just sitting for hours and losing momentum. As a friend pointed out, the exercise is granting a clarity and focus I need to not only grasp but use as fuel. On that front, once I’ve done here there’s chores and then I’ll walk to Town to get the kids a set of keys each for the house, just in case all the grand planning goes awry.

However good you think you are, the unexpected just happens.

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This however does not tell me when the writing can happen, but that it will around the framework I’ve created. I’ve been amazingly productive on gym walks in the last few days, watching existing ideas morph in differing directions, and I may well start taking my tablet in my Gym bag to edit and write whilst I eat lunch. I’m still toying with the idea of a laptop, but it is early days and the iPad plus keyboard is actually surprisingly robust once you look past the shortcomings. I’d rather not spend money when there’s a perfectly acceptable alternative available. Until it becomes a massive inconvenience? There’s more than enough space for a tablet and boxing gloves in the same bag.

Getting fit really was the best thing I ever did for my entire life.