Try a Little Tenderness

Yesterday, I am pretty sure someone tried to chat me up at the Gym. It has been /waggles hand¬†about two decades since that happened for real, so my perception might be a bit rusty, but everything in brain and body remains convinced that’s what happened. Considering this person was considerably younger than I am, I really don’t know what to think. It was one of those kinds of days.

I also got into a discussion yesterday that, under previous circumstances, might have in the past resulted in a bit of an Internet dust-up. This time around, however, I did the job of explaining a salient point whilst not setting fire to everything else in the process. That’s undoubted progress, and it highlighted a truth that I’m becoming increasingly concerned about.

A lot of you people need to step out of your bubbles before it’s¬†too late.

This is NOT a Humblebrag, by the way. I’m still largely in shock (and my left hip may yet be rebelling against me, we will see as the day goes on) and, if truth be told, all of that yesterday may have added up to lots of calories but in reality… Lots of low level, largely low impact exercise. That 8.68 km for instance never had my heart-rate raised above the blue zone. It’s about the building of stamina for greater longevity whilst exercising.

I’d done what would normally have been more than enough by yesterday lunchtime, but yet when my husband asked me if I wanted to join him whilst he exercised… I knew it was doable. This is new ground: not only being prepared to step out of the bubble, but knowing I’ll cope when it happens.¬†Some days, however, I don’t, and it’s dealing with those that will be the real test of emerging character.

I can’t hide from the unexpected forever.


Change is hard. It’s horrible and painful and frustrating and ultimately cathartic. I could link in various ‘life is pain’ GIFs here but really, I’d be preaching to the converted. You can intellectualise until the cows come on any subject you like, but unless you can also possess some empathy and feeling about the same thing? You’re not doing anybody any favours. Life is not just about having the answers.

Life is getting it wrong, and hurting yourself, and as you get up with bloodied knees and a little more thought for the consequences of your actions, it is learning from the experience. I realise that maybe if I got out more and was randomly accosted by more people, I’d have to learn how to deal with things that have been avoided for far too long. The only means by which you get stronger, undoubtedly, is doing the work.

The thinking/doing Life Balance equation here absolutely needs some work.



I have registered there’s twelve years until Armageddon. I wonder how long it takes everybody else. Probably need a cuppa before continuing as a result.

The plan was to do an early Gym but today, like it or not, life has said no. Instead of getting all grumpy, the day’s just been rearranged a bit. TONS has already been achieved.

Sometimes, not being able to go to plan is exactly what you need.

Life needs to change going forward. It is already beginning, and by the end of this month the hope is to embrace the most significant parts of a targeted shift of direction. More people need to be interacted with, that are out of comfort zones. The only means by which the phobias and shortcomings that exist are challenged is to conquer fear. It is the mind killer, Frank Herbert knew his stuff.


It is time to use the Internet for good, too. I have already begun this process and can only hope things will continue to become more satisfying over time.

For now, it is high time everything got finally organised, once and for all.

Begin Again


Ah, it is good to be back.

I’m not going to lie, there is a phenomenal amount of stuff to get though in the next few days. My car’s already been picked up for the second repair of the month, and I’ll be getting a hire car shortly as replacement (which reminds me, must print out my cover note.) I’ve managed to almost find the bottom of the washing bin and, because the weather is good, that means everything should at least be dry by day’s end. Then there is the piles of writing, computer faffing and general organisation left to get a handle on, and that’s before I make it to the Gym.

However, the overriding advantage of coming back from Holiday refreshed (and having lost weight \o/) is that the incentive to get your arse in gear is considerable. That means that, by day’s end, I should be quite a way forward. It means I’ll celebrate tonight with some gaming, and then start early tomorrow with novel work. For now I have a short story to proof read one last time before Mr Alt gives it a final once over, and the desire to talk about gaming again.

That’s probably the most pleasant surprise of all.

The Dawning of a New Day

Honesty in my life is becoming a rather big deal.

As you’ll see in an unscheduled Writing post on the other site, finding trustworthy people in this great big pile of social media shit can be, on any given day, a rather fraught affair. Everybody it seems is out to make their own fortune in the World without a care to helping anybody except themselves: however, that’s been the way of things for as long as I can remember. That whole ‘if your face doesn’t fit’ saying is true, too, except on a Global stage that doesn’t really matter if you possess enough determination and the right tools of your trade. There comes a point however when even the most cynical and jaded of us are forced to compromise to move forward. I arrived there at the back end of last week, and now comes the moment to make my choice.

In this case, I will hang onto my integrity for all that it is worth, but accept that if I want to take the next step forward, some kind of assistance will be required.


I’ve drawn some lines for myself as indicators to progress; the main one is whether anyone is prepared to fund my long term endeavours. I’ve lost count of the number of people who’ve encouraged me thus far by offering to donate to my costs, and in eight years nobody ever has. I know full well why this is: I’m seen as volatile and unpredictable, and a number of projects begun with high ideals¬†were never completed. Based on that experience I’d not fund me either, and this was one of the reasons why, at the start of this year, I determined to cut back on workload and try and concentrate on specific projects and not throw myself at everything simultaneously. I’d say at present I’m at 60% success rate: when I can maintain 100% for at least a three month period, that will be the time to take another step forward.

Therefore, all things being equal, if I’m able to get to and maintain a 100% return on promises for work produced by September, I will launch my own Patreon. Primarily this will be to cover the costs of maintaining three websites on WordPress, with a long term view to optimising at least one for SEO (which requires me to upgrade to a Business plan.) Because I’m on my own and without the ability to run my own server (and to be honest that’s not something I want to even think about) it will initially be no more fancy than that. This is not about World Domination when it’s taken nearly a decade to learn to run again, so we’ll be taking it slow to begin with.

In effect, this will be me taking the first step forward to becoming an independent writer.


Using Patreon, of course, allows me to exchange concrete evidence of effort for your¬†hard earned cash, and as the months go on I’ll do just that, with interesting and challenging¬† incentives for both¬†time and continued support. I’m also aware of the current cynicism in at least the Warcraft community over how crowdfunding can used for less than worthwhile endeavours by those who could be considered as¬†exploiting the concept. I’m not here to take holidays or do nothing with your money, I grasp that if you give something there should always be a balance in return. An aversion to commercialism is also¬†the reason why I’ve refused to use either Adwords or any kind of overt advertising on my sites since the practice became almost essential for writers. That’s not changing any time soon either.

What I’m here and doing today is asking for people to consider an opportunity to¬†prove my work is worthwhile and has merit. I’m hoping that the last few years (often harsh) lessons in learning how to deal with a difficult and confrontational Community has taught me well enough that I can now move forward. I believe I am capable of making a decent job of this, or else I wouldn’t be committing myself to the cause in the first place. This is why I’ve withdrawn from previous commitments around¬†streaming and¬†podcasting. However, it should be said that if things move forward both may yet be¬†useful tools for expression, and¬†I will consider using them both to augment the websites.


I’m going to leave at the bottom of this post a link to my Paypal account. I am serious and committed to this path, and by the time I’m 51 I will do for myself what I should have done when I was¬†25. I doubt it will be any easier now than it would have been then, but I want to at least have tried to make something worthwhile of my life in the time I remain on the planet. I am well aware that this¬†could all fail, and that fact scares me every moment of each day, but unless I try, I will never know. You won’t find me shouting about this from rooftops either, or shoving requests for help down your throat. I’m here just to work hard, do my best and try and produce something I can look back at and be proud of.

I’m not going to use another person’s game, or a genre or fandom to sell myself, just me. I will stand and fall on my own words, until my last breath.

If you wish to join me on the journey? It’s time to get ready to roll.


Ballad of the Mighty I

Sunday is my day for personal reflection, and it is particularly satisfying this week to look back on seven days that have not simply moved my life forward, but allowed me to relax into the process.

Last night I was drunk: it took four homemade Margaritas (yup, I’m a cheap date) and the stresses and strains of the week simply got lost in the fuzzy haze of a loving husband who not only suggested I could do with the night off but arranged the Mexican dinner to accompany it. I don’t remember the last time I just allowed myself to relax enough to laugh, sing and smile like this. It has been a journey thus far of lots of work but perilously few rewards and I now grasp that maybe there could be more of that and less running myself to the limit. Having accepted that I can only do so much in certain areas of my life if I wish to excel in others? Now comes the process of rearranging the parts of my life to truly reflect the changes I am now going to make.


Next week’s gonna be a bit odd: I have two days enforced rest because I give blood on Monday night and I learnt the hard way last time there is NO WAY I’m doing anything major until Thursday at the earliest. That means arranging everything around a Thursday/Saturday Gym routine and then on Sunday, the youngest is 12 and I have a day up in the trees doing climbing and other adult activities. This I’m not 100% looking forward to, I will admit, but as my upper body strength is now better than it was the last time I did one of these and I survived then? I should be okay.

I just hope the weather is better than it was last week.

I’m beginning to enjoy planning a daily photograph too for Instagram, now I’ve been doing this for a couple of months it has become habit forming and I’m really pleased with the quality of picture being produced. I am still to do any major work with my camera however, and as it is March next week, it is time to fix that. I’ll be looking for a chance to go to some local spots as the weather gets better and make a point of take pictures.

Lots is planned, now all I have to do is make it a reality.