Life on Mars

By rights, today should already have been declared a bust. However, that’s the old me talking. Once upon a time I would have crawled back into bed, and shivered myself into sleep. I get really cold when I’m tired, and with age that has translated into aches in my bones that are increasingly uncomfortable. Except today I’m writing this, then wrapping myself up against the cold and going to the Gym. I’ll reward myself with poached eggs when I’m done, but it’s about finding strength today that my body didn’t have at 7am. The way this all really moves forward is those moments when you’d rather not be pushing, that’s exactly what happens.

That’s when the ordinary becomes something else.

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It’s almost two weeks to my birthday. Sixteen days. 50 was supposed to be frighting, instead has become liberation disguised as progress. I am moving faster than was ever thought possible, finding fluidity where before was only static. It is a reassurance that I’m not the intractable, and that from this point comes the capacity to blossom and never wither. I looked at myself last night in the mirror and the changes to my body are now permanent, irreversible, and that makes me happier than I ever thought would be possible. Now, it is all about keeping on the path and to the plan. Hanging for thirty seconds. Working on my mile until it’s good enough to improve upon. Understanding what goes into my body is as important as how I treat it externally. Not worrying about looks, but always considering what I touch.

I’d be there now but I need to charge the Bluetooth headphones my husband bought me for my birthday last year. Adopting change early sometimes has it’s advantages, but its knowing all the facts that matters more. Then you can make informed decisions, and ignorance never wins the day. There are people in the US that think the hurricane bearing down on their east coast is a fiction: fantasy invented by liberal agitators to ensure that the public is sent into panic. If you are so frightened of the future that you’d prefer to imagine it as someone else’s illusion and not the truth you can see for yourself? You’re on your own. Ironically, you could have sold Hurricane Matthew as an Act of God with far more confidence, but Old Testament wrath is just a little close to the truth for some right now. The whole World’s gone mad. Wouldn’t it just be easier to give up and accept your fate?

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It is NEVER the answer to acquiesce when your life’s the price. I know that place and I will never, EVER return there, even though in recent memory I’ve had those thoughts anew. This is not the way forward. I affirm my existence with every mile travelled, every step taken. I celebrate the brilliance of those who inspire me by trying to do the same in kind. This week I hope I’ve made some people happy, but you can’t please them all. Those are the moments when it’s time to read fortunes, and uncover unpleasant truths that many would simply ignore and walk from. I run to them with flares and giant neon arrows and make people look, force them to grasp that Reality is your task to create and shape, not others. Be the change.

Make the difference with every breath you take.

New Life

It would be fair to say that this week’s been tough on the soul, but arriving at Friday as I have with a curious sense of optimism, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. To facilitate the continual progress of this however I need to be in the Gym and not behind a screen.

Before I go, however, I should let you in on a secret.

I am changing. It is small and subtle: fat on the belly diminishes, strength to slimmer legs, quicker calm in an expanding mind. I still go up and down with an Irish temper, that’s unavoidable and actually, would be mourned if it were lost. However, I know now with a certainty that has become reassurance, that this path is righteous and true. The friends I have made and the thought to the process are the motivation needed on the harder days. Being truthful that I need help does indeed bring rewards that before were never considered. When a stranger asks if I am an asset, the answer is ‘yes’ without hesitation. It is no longer about being suppressed or held back. The arrogance of those who seek to control is weak and easily ignored.

GRUMPY

Evolution is possible at this late stage in life.

There will be moments when I falter, undoubtedly, because to err is human, and to imm is a pathetic attempt at a gag. It doesn’t matter so much if I don’t get there instantly either. There’s a care not to commit to too much any more. Understanding what is possible and when, how to do something, where life can be improved. Once upon a time only one task got worked and and now, several are possible. The only issue now arises when the unexpected is placed on the page, but that’s also not nearly as terrible a disaster as it ever was. I just cope, better.

Frankly, this is the best my life has ever been.