Friday

Change is inevitable. However much you fight against it, the world’s doing stuff you can’t control. When this happens, a proper guard is essential or else someone will come in and bloody your nose. So, there’s a choice: do you just keep flailing, or is it time to defend yourself? Having spent far too many years attacking anything that I thought remotely was a threat, it’s time to be more sensible, thoughtful. Everybody’s waving carrots around but very few of these surrounding followers are hungry. That’s fine. It’s time to find those who are.

It’s the moment to accept that very few people I know actually listen to anything I say.

It’s okay, and yes, that’s absolutely a criticism. If you’re following me on Social media, why are you here otherwise? The entire point of it being ‘social’ is just that, except as human beings we can only manage about 150 meaningful relationships, with probably 5 BFF’s within that. However, that’s a pathetically small follower number. We all know social media’s abut finding monsters to point at and deride, and newspapers are beginning to work out that if they want people to access their paywalls, any publicity is good, even their own journalists pretending they’re the enemy.

Everybody’s on the take. That’s the game. If you’re not paying, you’re the product… except now, the lines are being more clearly defined. Without that precise delineation, it’s hard for people to know what they are actually paying for and as Facebook becomes more aberrant, and trust me it really is possible, other providers are gonna step up and just give people what they want, and if they have the reach, Facebook could and and might yet die. The next couple of years will be crucial. Australia is already showing what happens, and their climbdown so fast is a warning to everyone. We need robust government to make the changes, but not TOO robust or everybody suffers.

Let’s see how that goes.

There are a lot of catch-up mechanics in play right now. My Pokemon Game’s realized that the problem with having six expansions in play at once is that people who missed the start won’t keep playing if you don’t provide an opportunity for them to collect the old stuff. So, we’re getting weekends of retro content. Twitter know they’re missing a trick by not providing a sub service when they can cream off a percentage of the fees as an alternative to advertising. Everybody’s out to make money, and suddenly being free will become a selling point. I hope you’re making notes here, there’s a lot to keep up with.

What matters more than anything else is being flexible, and knowing that sometimes you don’t charge. Exposure is a dirty word for a lot of people, because yes you should absolutely be paid for what you do, but there are points where not doing so isn’t an advantage taken or a moment lost. Knowing when you ask, or when you can insist, is as important as knowing when to offer as a courtesy. In fact, it’s becoming its own saleable commodity. If I got offered the support slot to open for two big-name poets, I’d ask them what they’re being paid and then negotiate accordingly.

The key is to be honest to yourself before you worry about anyone else.

The Climb

Yesterday, I was supposed to go to somewhere, but I didn’t.

I let someone down: it was a Christmas present for her, and an experience for me. Except, somewhere between late last year and now, many things shifted. I’m still not over my anxiety issues, that is abundantly apparent, and maybe I was arrogant thinking that was the case. Yes, I really was. I know how disappointed I made my friend yesterday, but the fact remains if I’d have gone through with our trip, it would have set me back months, possibly years. Knowing that, in itself, is a massive step forward.

I can at least understand what it is that needs to be addressed.

header107

There are some quite serious issues that remain with my body image. Some of them have been overcome, but not all. Confidence is very much dependent on my ability to cope with everything else, and a lack of sleep is pretty much a fast-track to disaster. After the interview on Tuesday, I’ve not really returned to an semblance of either normal sleep or capability. The weather absolutely isn’t helping this. In fact, what I will be doing after this is having a kip.

So bad is my mental incapacity that I’ve cancelled tonight’s Blaze class. No novel will be attempted until tomorrow, because otherwise it’ll end up being trashed regardless. What is needed today involves as little stress as possible, and as much relaxation as can be mustered. Then, as it’s holiday time and there’s no stress to school run? Time to see what can be achieved over the weekend.

Grasping the problem before something really bad happens is distinct progress.