I am finally getting somewhere.
Nope, this isn’t an exercise post. That 31 minutes of yellow zone effort was, as it happens, really not too hard to maintain. This demonstrates that there’s fitness that exists to do so, but that’s not nearly as important as the mental fortitude required to detach brain from worry and fear. None of this really matters one iota to anybody except me. I will appreciate encouragement and be grateful for support 24/7… but in the end…
There’s nobody to compete with but myself.
Yesterday was important for many reasons, but the most significant one was a surprise. A lot of people have taught me things over the years: in later life it’s become apparent that the quality of that teaching doesn’t just come from the person and their words. I am part of this equation. You can learn everything about a topic but you’ll never truly understand the subtleties until properly acknowledging how it makes you feel.
Today, I’m asking myself what I want from a number of things going forward.
Over the last year I’ve let go of some things no longer required, people who have become toxic, physical items with no personal association. As the baggage around me becomes lighter, there’s fewer excuses to hide behind. It’s pointless to try and control those things you have no direct influence over, simply concentrate on those things that you can and so that’s the plan, going forward. Solid change, in important places.
If you asked me what I want right now, there is surprisingly little that springs to mind. I’m still failing at domestic duties, which will be sorted once NaNo work is done for the day. There’s nothing material I truly yearn for, and now I’m over the hump in diet management for blood count and cholesterol… this is the best place I’ve inhabited mentally for quite some time.
This is a very good place to be.
This morning, I had an anxiety attack, which would not normally have been an issue, were the house not full of teenagers from my son’s LAN Party the night before. However, everything was just fine. It is undoubtedly true, as has been pointed out to me by family and friends, that it is getting easier to cope with this shit over time.
By the time the last person had left, I was almost normal again, were it not for the five hours sleep. Well, you can’t have everything.
The rest of the day has found me trying to occupy a stressed mind so there’s no re-occurrence of my issues, which has proven surprisingly fruitful. My online life is considerably neater as a result, and there’s confidence that after a decent night’s kip everything can be back up to date.
Time to go do the last of the tidying up.
Today is a Bank Holiday, and I’ve spent my time not writing.
Back to it tomorrow.
I got drunk last night. I cycled for an hour on a static bike today. I’m having fajitas for Dinner.
I hope your run up to Christmas has been as awesome as mine has.
Today is one of those glorious November Sunday’s where the light’s perfect and air is cold enough to snatch breath from your lungs, and where I’m currently walking around dressed for July on the top half of my body. The Menopause, everybody, which decides that on the coldest day of the year so far the top half of your body will boil and your feet will freeze, meaning I’ve stolen a pair of my son’s ski socks to stop toes from becoming ice-blocks.
Apart from this, bodily health’s pretty smashing: filling breakfast, my third bucket of tea, a decent night’s kip. I’ve got a ton of stuff to do for the well-being of family, but then day is mine to do with as I choose, which will mean some running and probably a lot of writing. I’ve sated my gaming desires for a few days too, with a whole night of playing around and fucking about online. There was also an interesting conversation with my husband over how he may go forward doing the same.
So, if you’ll excuse me, it is time to get started.
Today is a catch-up day for a lot of outstanding work. I’m already behind, but not enough to derail a run at the Gym. I can prioritise pretty well of late.
I’m also in no need to rant, expound or even rage. Today, I am calm, happy and well rested. So, once my son gets home, there will be Gym time. After that, I’ll work until I’m done.
See you later.
I’ve still not decided what to write this year. I’m taking a day off from everything, therefore, to try and work out what is happening. Also, this gives me a day to finally kick the arse of this cold.
I’ll see you tomorrow <3