There’s an inspirational image out there somewhere if I could be bothered to look for it, that would state something like the following: Don’t worry about the haters. Just be you. That’s what I’m doing right now. Just being me.
Amazingly, this shit appears to work.
There is a fuck of a lot of stabilising going on, I should add at this point. I may look elegant and swan-like on the surface, but if you stare beneath the waterline? ALL THE PADDLING. However, I am quietly beginning to grasp that the less I worry, the more stuff coalesces. Finding new things to talk about has certainly helped, and keeping a focus on my novel is really beginning to bear fruit.
Also, taking the piss out of myself is becoming increasingly less stressful. Yes, you cannot take any of this too seriously. I’ve seen what happens when you do that, and we’re not turning the bus back that way anytime soon. Therefore, genuine laughter has happened at several points this week. I’m still struggling a bit with decent sleep, but the trend is undoubtedly upwards, and yesterday evening’s message most definitely helped, even if I’m a little sore this morning. The bits all end up as part of my whole. I’d forgotten that: not just the sleep, or the training, or the banter or the words. ALL OF IT TOGETHER.
Strap in, lovelies. Shit’s beginning to get REALLY interesting.
If I had to offer a GIF for how I’ve felt every day this week, this is probably the most apposite available. Sleep right now is a tough ask, and I’m not sure why: there’s been a lot of mental alteration since Sunday, and that must be contributing to the inability to relax. There are aches and pains too, but if I’m honest nothing at a level to inconvenience, in fact, I’ve probably not done nearly enough exercise this week to begin with. Maybe this is just evolution playing out across body as a whole.
What I don’t want to do however is complain, because there’s nothing really wrong at all.
In fact, creativity and enthusiasm are reaching unprecedented levels. There’s a five essay sequence on improving my favourite game all ready to go for next week (where did that come from?) plus, once there’s a return from scheduled adulting this afternoon, a plan to reorganise the entire desk area in anticipation of *gasp* starting video blogging next month. Talking to myself is not unusual in this house, so I’m going to use my You Tube channel for good starting October 1st. It is just another excuse to push out of the comfort zone, when all is said and done.
All of this, every day, is about making an improvement not just to my life, but those of the people around me, and this week I have begun that task in earnest. It’s not all going to happen overnight, but knowing what needs to be done is frankly half the battle. That’s the part of this that doesn’t need a song and dance made about it either, it will just happen regardless. I realised yesterday, and it has taken a while, that the key to not being part of drama is to not make it in the first place. That’s not perfect (yet) but it is going to get there, and soon.
Now, as it happens, is a perfect place to start.