Do I Love You?

The plans for decorating my daughter’s room starting on Monday got tossed when she got sick, and now she’s better there’s a chance of getting paint and stuff before the weekend. However, this means that my plans for NEXT week are now completely arse about face, and that there needs to be a digit extracted today so I can be in some kind of position to get everything done within the time budget.

I’m also regretting last night’s Blaze change, but it will pass.

I’ve cracked doing stuff for longer. That’s the key in all of this, to be able to keep going and not get tired. Stamina. I’ll grant you this morning my body is feeling the effect of last night, but it isn’t nearly as bad as it was last week, or indeed the week before. Like writing, if you practice enough, it becomes habit. Habit allows relaxation into the material, understanding both body and mind. It is all part of a larger, more complex process.

Also, it’s kindof cool to be able to do all this stuff now and look like I know what I’m doing. A lot of life is acting, of course, but when the strength exists within you, that’s a task that is progressively easier too. Having actual numbers to back up your words and deeds is hugely useful, and it’s why the lack of communication and feedback in publishing has become so fucking frustrating. I‘ll write about that in a minute.


In the meantime, the bar’s there to be cleared.

I just gotta do it.

In the Beginning

Day One of Training: Early start, thanks to daughter doing homework at 6am. Shed is open and cooling down, intend to do an hour between one and two before I go pick her up from school, and then go do some upper body work at the Gym afterwards. Ideally, I should be exercising immediately after the morning School Run, which will start happening tomorrow. I just needed today to get the backlog of written work done and schedule as much as possible so that there’s no need to be at a keyboard any more than necessary.


Then, there is fuelling. I’ve readjusted My Fitness Pal and will RELIGIOUSLY be counting the calories. If I weigh myself every day there will undoubtedly not be the progress wanted, so I won’t be getting back on until this time next week, when I should have have burnt an inordinate amount of calories. There’s no honey in my tea either, it will be fruit sugars only, and in moderation. There are emergency flapjacks to cover the possibility of sugar crashes. I am ready to do this. The proof of the pudding (only fruit, no cream) and all that… it just needs to happen.


Free Your Mind


Welcome to Week 26, people, exactly halfway through 2018.

This is not where I’d expected to be. I’m still happier than at any point in the previous decade or so, and certainly more productive, but there is work to do. Therefore, this morning, I took my daughter to school and then went straight to the Gym. After a Pokemon had been put in it, I drove to a REAL Gym and did an hour’s work, and that’s what will happen every Monday, Wednesday and Friday throughout the Summer.

It is time to see if I can actually do my body justice.


A decision I made in the Real World has come back to haunt me, as it transpired the instigated actions have cause more harm than good. There is nothing that can be done now, of course, except apologise to the person concerned and move on. What this has done however is push brain to reconsider a lot of what has been thought as the ‘right’ thing to do of late, based on what appears to have been an incorrect assessment of situation. Not everybody needs or wants help, after all.


The best course of action right now is to just work hard and stop stressing about the stuff that can’t be fixed, and instead focus on improving things that are within my control.

That’s an easy task.

Strange Days

My brain has adjusted to a lot of change over the last few weeks. Sleep patterns are the best they’ve ever been, insofar as I am actually getting decent, useful rest. Yesterday I walked the short way to the Gym and did a HIIT Run session on the treadmill for the first time in forever. Instead of giving up when things got hard, it was pushed through, and the benefit this morning is great for body but not so awesome for brain.

The extensive To Do List is written down so, once finished, a line can be run through it and everything gets moved on. There’s a bunch of stuff from yesterday that never got completed, mostly because of not being focused. That’s been amended now and so, if you will excuse me, this becomes another ‘just shut up and get on with what matters’ blog.

The more they occur, the better life is becoming.

The Long Road Home

It could be far worse. That’s the take-out from yesterday’s physio meeting: there’s still a ton of damage in my elbow joint, and until that heals, I’m mostly off anything overly physical. I’ll be writing this and walking to the Gym again today to go and organise a Rehab plan with my PT: I can still cycle, and do core exercises, so that will be the plan going forward. I suspect resistance work will come into play too, and there’s a good chance if I can keep myself healing fast by sensible eating and lots of sleep, it could well be less than a month before mobility returns.

The last thing I want to do is be moping about, feeling sorry for myself.


It’s also time to stop making this blog material. Assume I’m getting better, working hard and not dwelling on my own stupidity, and as of Friday, I’ll start writing about stuff that is far more self-centred, because that’s also what this needs.

The time for navel contemplation has passed.

Bang, Bang :: Day 3

When this injury stops dictating my entire existence, I’ll be happy. This morning I had adult help to dress, and my hair is up. I’ve not been able to do that since Tuesday. The swelling is down, but lots of places hurt that haven’t, and it is not pleasant pain. The physio told me that the real extent of damage will begin to present once the soft tissue damage recedes. It is time to remain optimistic and continue not to be stupid.

The biggest problem is not the elbow, but wrists and thumbs. I cannot freely rotate my left hand at all, but the movement’s considerably better everywhere else. Despite all this, I’m back on the cycling training programme for the next four days, and even if I cannot exercise the top half of my body, lower portion will continue to get a run-out. Typing is now two fingered and pain-free, and that meant yesterday I was able to pile through a ton of novel related stuff… and maybe, just maybe…

The only way to see if this is possible is to stop blogging and start writing.