This morning all the people that were lost along the way are recalled, as if this were the end of a long and difficult battle. The people who I no longer wanted to know, for many reasons, because I could never be to them what they obviously wanted me to be. Those I cared for desperately, whose own lives were so much more important than our friendship. The people who just made me laugh and feel comfortable. You’re missed most of all.
So much has been sacrificed to get here.
Also, I know brains can’t exhale. Don’t @ me.
So, next up presumably is the period where all this just becomes normal and I finally head out into the world and make new friends, based on this change of outlook, and everything either fits or it doesn’t. Having a reasonable number of immediate worries effectively wiped out is also a decent start to the week, all told, so no real concerns in any department is a bonus. So, why am I not sleeping properly?
It’s all the fallout that’s not yet settled, possibilities that now rise as a result of these changes. There’s too much light in the bedroom and not enough ventilation, so that needs to be fixed. I should be doing at least an hour’s vigorous exercise. There are still things to fix. All of these things are undoubtedly true, but none of them can be immediately dealt with.
Instead, time to do what can be done.
An awful lot happened yesterday. So much more needs to be done today, so I’d better get on with it all. Therefore, you get today’s blog in bullet point form, thus:
- New area of exercise progress. Yes, I’m tired but not like it was before. Giving blood next week must not be allowed to derail this, so we’ll plan accordingly. Weekend of strong eating and careful exercise incoming.
- I have a major project to launch next week, AND I AM READY.
- There’s new long form fiction properly in progress now and it is joyous.
- Completely not fussed about Bond 25. That’s cool too, the obsession is broken for good. Now to focus that on stuff that can actually benefit my future and not go to waste.
Must crack on, then.
It is amazing how sometimes, saying stuff aloud can release a phenomenal amount of mental pressure. Undoubtedly yesterday was a bit of that, but became more significant as the day went on. What matters to you individually is undoubtedly largely irrelevant to everybody else, until it becomes apparent how much everybody else has touched you individually. I’ve been hugely influenced by my environment, and it shows.
It is high time I reassessed my priorities.
I suspect it is because of the trolling suffered online and the default of saying what I see that there’s been a reticence to fully engage with people over anything personal. That’s now going to change. It is high time I reclaimed the scorched earth. We’re gonna cover it with recycled items of clothing, never fitting properly before engaging mad bastid exercise mode. It’s not been mentioned yet: savings have been used to send me on a busman’s holiday in July, first time in nearly 20 years I’ve gone anywhere alone.
There is an awful lot to look forward too, no reason why the past needs to keep dragging present out of focus.
It’s accidentally the Easter holidays too: I’d assumed that the kids were off this Friday coming, and not the last one gone. It’s the first time for a couple of years a holiday start have caught me on the hop, which undoubtedly has a lot to do with the other things in play. No matter: suddenly I have two weeks (and a bit) in order to recover from the first bit of the year and get myself ready for the next bit.
Today, there’s tons to do. Let’s get started.
DAY 1: Let’s start the clock again. I had an Orange Club yesterday but, in my defence, there was a VERY good reason.
I wish the Blood people did a daytime session at the local church. Doing it during the day’s been a lot less difficult to cope with. Maybe it is because you’re fuelling over a longer period and not shifting straight into eight hours of kip. Perhaps this is just easier as body gets fitter. I will have to do some push ups tomorrow and schedule a bike ride after New Year’s Day nosh at my parents. It’ll be four days since anything was lifted, and that will never do.
As 2019 begins, I’d like to remind you why we’re here:
The epiphanies just keep on coming, and they’re all being written down, so that blog posts may spring forth from them. Remarkable progress has been made in the last 48 hours and although it is not exactly where I wanted to be, we are damn close. Give it a good push tomorrow, and there’s clear air for writing, and starting my cookery aspirations. I haven’t told you about that yet… Why else do you think the Instagram account was reactivated?
Happy New Year. <3
DAY 1: Whose bright idea was it to start a diet the week BEFORE Christmas?
The reasoning behind this is surprisingly sound: having digested the biometric scale data, it is clear what needs to happen. So, we begin by asking the question: how does this happen, and how do I manage to resist temptation? Well, that’s easy. You eat better, and just resist temptation.
Starting tomorrow, I have a shake for lunch for three weeks [*] because even the Guide says you shouldn’t go full on without body being allowed a chance to react and get comfortable. Then, we’ll see where we are. Next scheduled weigh in is Friday, January 4th, three weeks after the last one. Then we’ll go weekly, and shit gets real.
[*] No, not Christmas Day or probably Boxing Day either…
This week’s already a bit odd, thanks to the addition of a second Blaze class (more on that post tomorrow) and a change in the editing plans. There’s still #Blogmas to knock off, but that will have to happen much later today due to PT being the latest I’ve ever had it. Body right now is on the shift again, and if the temptation to snack continually can be addressed as the week goes on, the tiny reduction in weight from last week might start increasing. I have to re-plan a lot of stuff too.
This would be a lot easier were there not a constant level of uncertainty around stuff I have no control over.
If politics becomes too much of a distraction it’ll be on with Spotify and off with Social media, but for now we’re doing okay.
You need to be reading This Third Place. I have ‘rebranded’ my fanzine/chapbook idea for the New Year, and it is going to have a much larger remit. Last night’s info-dump on Arguto has made me think I ought to be working in other places as well as the writing site. I have work, and there is home, but no third outlet. There ought to be a neutral ground, where reality is arrived at without the influence of anything else.
Arguto is about to become something new entirely.
I have, for the last few years, been all over Christmas by this time. Not in 2018, where other things like sleeping and thinking have taken preference. Tomorrow, that all changes. I know what I’m doing for Christmas gifts, now comes the actual obtaining them bit. This is easy, right? That’s what the Internet is for.
I’ve worked quite hard this week, even with two days off. My bike is currently undergoing repairs. So, we’ll start again tomorrow and see how far we get.
My weight is slowly creeping downwards \o/