Who Am I Now?

I do not know, not for certain. Before I could have given you a decent idea of what it meant, not now when so many things are so delicate they could disintegrate, dry enough to spontaneously combust. Three days into the changes to work and output, it all looks pretty doable, but there’s only so much that can be achieved when you’re not really confident of what supports the change.

Trying to write about yourself when you’ve drained a lot of that away using video is also a significant ask. I was overreaching when the mental health newsletter started. It’s impossible to be the spokesperson when you’re not confident of the speech to begin with. Right now therefore we’ll be adopting a holding pattern and playing a phenomenal amount of Solitaire. There’s not even the space available to game properly right now.

If you’re reading this right now, come find me on Twitter please and give me a hug. Thank you.

Crying

YOUAREHERE2

How long does it normally take to deal with emotional issues, on average?

  1. Couple of Days
  2. Couple of Months
  3. Twenty Years or More

If you answer was 3, CONGRATULATIONS, you’re a Trauma sufferer just like me. Having this manifest on a Sunday in November is, let’s be honest, not optimal. The rest of yesterday, about an hour after I wrote the Sunday blog, was completely destroyed. Shredded, as it happens, into lots of pieces. Nope, no clue how any of them go back together.

Let’s throw them away, shall we?

incoming!

If it transpires I need any of that stuff in the future, it is probably easier to just make whatever it is new, from scratch. That includes my vital statistics, new from here.

Bust = 39″
Waist = 35″
Hips = 44″

My son was so big at birth my rib-cage moved two inches to accommodate him. My arse, let’s be honest, has never been small. Once upon a time those statistics would also have destroyed me, and yeah for a few hours yesterday I wobbled. I am never Ever EVER gonna be a size 12 again. This goes without saying. However hard I work. There is no desire to be so either, and those distorted body images need to be ignored.

This, here and now, is what I am supposed to be.

beautiful3.gif

How do you equate what you think you are to the reality of the moment? When all anybody wants to believe in is their own version of truth, do you have any chance at all of being real or honest under these circumstances? It doesn’t matter. What does, is being comfortable and happy. Other people are not the problem. To be genuinely happy beats everything.

Even though yesterday was a bit of a bombsite emotionally, all the things that remain are pretty solid. It doesn’t matter about the details, how big or small I am, how long it takes me to deal with stuff. As long as I’m happy in my skin and the things are learnt… it’s okay. Everything is fine. This is the best emotional headspace that’s ever been inhabited. I’m the fittest and healthiest I have ever been.

Those are the positives that need to be remembered as important.