I’m only a day behind now. The emotional energy expended since Friday is still being recouped: a decision was made on Sunday night to rearrange short-term planning as a result. It is easy to forget/overlook just how physical a new experience can be, plus the trauma of getting used to a new place. The bag I packed to work with needs a serious rethink.

It will literally take me WEEKS however to unpack all the stuff that happened, but I know what my personal highlight was, and always will be. That would be an exchange after the Writing Hour on Sunday with someone whose name I didn’t get. It was one comment, “I really enjoyed your Open Mic performance.” I said that to a fair few people on Sunday myself. To have it happen unprompted?

We are moving forward.

Won’t Get Fooled Again

Ah, Blaze class, we meet again.


This is an important set of numbers, for several reasons. That’s 7 bpm slower on max HR than I was on Tuesday, yet I was flat out last night. That means one of two things: the red zone is largely unattainable for me, or my belt’s not calibrated correctly. It is more likely to be the latter, on reflection: last night, of sixteen people recording with me, I was the only one not able to hit red. I mustn’t get stressed about it, but last night did. That’s the goal for tonight: just work. Work and don’t look at the output.

This World of Data has its shortcomings.


Last month’s effort calender’s a drop from January’s: I managed 20 days in the Blue zone or above… except that’s a lie. Many of my Grey tile days would have been Blue had I remembered to take off the belt when it wasn’t recording the right kind of exercise. Is that even possible: how can any exercise not be good? In this case, it’s about hitting the optimum heart-rate thresholds: therefore, I’m far better off not recording to and from the Gym when walking (grey zones only) because suddenly, that exercise is restricting my totals…

…and that’s when you realise you’re ‘gaming’ your fitness in the exact same fashion as you’ve done with online entertainment for four decades, and it is time to stop and think. It’s a great way to get people who’ve not thought about exercise like this before but for someone whose not only done obsession but addiction, the warning bells ran pretty loud last night. I don’t need to get obsessed with output, it has to be a constant, measured means by which I push beyond the numbers.


Ideally, this is the aim: this day in January remains the only one where I consistently stuck in the Green zone (one up from blue) and this came from non-stop, controlled exercise. Cycling is the key to understanding how consistency can be transferred to my running, and we’re already well on the way to having that organised. That will mean tonight seeing if I can summon the energy to work harder in warm-up AND class, to push Blue into Green for the first time this month.

If I don’t let the numbers dictate my action, things tend to work out pretty well all round.

I’m Only Sleeping

Day 2: Welcome to the Age of Saying What I Really Wanted to Say. Today’s nugget of interest? I don’t like having my midriff uncovered. It makes me feel physically uncomfortable at present: is this a deep-seated issue or is it just too fucking cold to be wearing anything than about 35 layers? Leave that one with me.


Blaze was… well, HARD. 2 minutes in the red zone (according to my MyZone Heart rate belt) was enough to make me physically sick. Also, FUN FACT, you wanna see what an anxiety attack looks like from my heart’s perspective? Here you go:


With the benefit of over two hours of deep sleep and a lovely long chat with my Physio I am much better mentally. Physically however, I am exhausted. There needs to be lots of tea and quite possibly a very large sandwich because really, truthfully, this needs to be more fun than it is right now and last night was not fun.

Weigh In:


Next up on the list of priorities is edit the novel that I want to enter for various things. It’s in a corner and won’t come out right now, which is going to require some work from me that, probably up until yesterday I wasn’t capable of doing. Then, it is probably an idea to sit down with all the other half-finished pieces of work and set up some kind of priority order with them.

There’s a phenomenal amount of work to do on some: is it worth it? Should I be brutal and start from scratch? It will be considerably easier going forward to ignore a lot of old content, but some of it will have value. I’m going to need to learn how to edit again: simple enough, but brutality is not one of my strong points. It will help that this weekend I’m away and that my brain doesn’t have to think about anything important or stressful.

Yes, I really am very tired.